How could a Puppy-like Boy Ever Have Any Bad Intentions? - Chapter 11

“I want to sleep with him.”

The counseling room fell into a heavy silence.

 

Su Lixu watched as Fu Xingran stared directly back at him. The gaze was undisguised—the emotions in the depths of his eyes were scalding and intense. Su Lixu could almost feel the raw energy surging toward him, as if he were being gripped tightly by a pair of powerful arms. It was, however, profoundly invasive.

 

Such an extreme thought was clearly problematic.

 

“Xingran, that line of thinking is very dangerous.”

 

Fu Xingran’s hand, which had been tracing the edge of the desk, suddenly tightened. He lowered his eyes, reining in the emotions that were about to burst forth. He spoke softly, “So… is this what ‘love’ is?”

 

“Why don’t you tell me what kind of feelings you consider to be love?” Su Lixu didn’t rush to deny him. Instead, he chose a different approach.

 

At the same time, he was surprised. Fu Xingran actually had someone he liked, and from his tone, it was an intense level of affection. Yet every sentence was laced with danger.

 

Su Lixu understood the emotions of BPD patients. They were intense and burning, like a blooming red rose—magnificent yet thorny. Because of this, their requirements for affection were exceptionally high. If they loved someone, their gaze would never stray; but if that love went unrequited, they might destroy the world just to ensure the other person suffered too.

 

The person Fu Xingran liked was about to endure a love so fierce it was predatory. It was wrapped in the same danger as an open flame.

 

“It’s when I miss him the moment he’s gone. I want to hold him and kiss him. When he’s happy, I’m happy; when he’s not, I’m miserable. I want to do more intimate things with him. Doctor Su, is this love?” Fu Xingran raised his eyes, his gaze burning.

 

Su Lixu’s brow gradually relaxed. Stated that way, it didn’t seem entirely wrong. It was just the previous sentence that had felt inappropriate, but that was the emotional characteristic of a BPD patient—they expressed their desires without reservation.

 

It was a total, blunt, and passionate kind of love, tinged with obsession.

 

“Xingran, love cannot be forced. You have thoughts of intimacy because you like him, but you don’t know if he likes you back, do you? You can’t say things like that to people. Love is a gradual process built on mutual respect; you can’t rush it.”

 

“I’ve already told him,” Fu Xingran replied almost instantly.

 

Su Lixu was taken aback. “You’ve already told him? And his reaction was…?”

 

Fu Xingran stared at Su Lixu for a moment, then broke into a brilliant smile. “He’s very gentle. He didn’t scold me. But I think he’s still considering whether to like me back. I think I should give him time to think. So, Doctor Su, this isn’t me being ‘sick,’ right?”

 

“How could love be a sickness? It’s perfectly normal.” Su Lixu felt he might have been overly sensitive. He had thought Fu Xingran was in pain again; it turned out the boy was just uncertain if these feelings were romantic. “I thought something was wrong. It’s fine. If you like someone, go ahead and pursue them.”

 

“But… I don’t know what he thinks of me.” Fu Xingran’s expression slumped again, looking pitiful. “And he hasn’t talked to me for several days.”

 

Su Lixu paused. “…Hasn’t talked to you?”

 

“Mm,” Fu Xingran hummed dejectedly. He rested his chin in his hands and let out a sigh. “Not a single call or a single text. I’m so sad; I haven’t even slept well. He must hate me. He doesn’t like my type. What should I do?”

 

Seeing Fu Xingran looking like he was about to cry again, Su Lixu fought to keep his expression neutral. He knew it was wrong to feel amused, but for some reason, whenever this guy looked like he was about to burst into tears, Su Lixu really wanted to laugh.

 

Despite his quick composure, Fu Xingran caught it.

 

“Are you laughing at me?” Fu Xingran looked at Su Lixu in disbelief.

 

“I would never laugh at you.” Su Lixu lowered his head and cleared his throat. He clasped his hands together, affecting a natural posture. “I am listening to your dilemma very seriously. Please, continue.”

 

“I’m not saying another word.” Fu Xingran leaned back like a deflated balloon, staring at Su Lixu with a resentful gaze, as if waiting for something.

 

Su Lixu took in the boy’s behavior, the corners of his mouth dipping slightly. He mirrored Fu Xingran’s posture, leaning back in his chair leisurely. “Then don’t say it.”

 

He couldn’t keep indulging him.

 

Fu Xingran’s expression went blank. What? He’s really not going to coax me? He used to coax me, didn’t he? Is it really because he doesn’t like me anymore?

 

His fingertips trembled, and he instinctively touched the strap of his watch on his wrist.

 

When Su Lixu captured that small gesture—touching the wrist—his eyes darkened instantly and his brow knit tight. He was all too familiar with that movement.

 

Back in the hospital, whenever Fu Xingran was unhappy or angry, he liked to use objects to scratch his wrists. He used the pain of those wounds to vent his emotions. So, was his current unhappiness because his question went unanswered, or because of Su Lixu’s attitude?

 

Looking at it now, it was the attitude. Su Lixu wasn’t coaxing him the moment he showed temper like he used to.

 

The atmosphere in the office was subtle for a brief moment before it was broken by the sound of a chair being pushed back. Su Lixu walked over to Fu Xingran and leaned against the edge of the desk. He bent down, getting close to the brooding youth, and reached out to pinch his ear.

 

“Go on. I’m listening.”

 

Forget it, Su Lixu thought. Better to coax him for now, just in case.

 

As the cool fingers rubbed his earlobe, the man’s voice—gentle as jade—sounded in his ear. Fu Xingran froze, looking up blankly into those near-at-hand amber eyes. It was like falling into a pool of gentleness. Under the rhythmic kneading of his earlobe, all of Fu Xingran’s grievances were smoothed away.

 

He had been on the verge of losing control because of a single sentence from Su Lixu, yet a second later, he surrendered completely to a gentle touch.

 

He just stared at Su Lixu, who was leaning over him. Su Lixu wore a beige cotton-linen shirt with a mandarin collar. His legs, encased in black trousers, were straight and long; as he leaned against the desk, one leg bent slightly, brushing against the side of Fu Xingran’s leg. His neck was pale and elegant, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he spoke.

 

The hands kneading his earlobe were a pale, jade-like white, with veins faintly visible beneath the thin skin. A faint scent of August osmanthus emanated from his wrists. This was Fu Xingran’s addiction.

 

His heart rate suddenly spiked. They were too close; his mind was going to wander again. What should I do? Push him away? No way.

 

Su Lixu continued to rub the boy’s earlobe. Seeing him staring blankly, his touch remained soft and soothing. “Are you angry with me? If so, I apologize. But I need to explain why: it’s because I am no longer your doctor, and I don’t think you want to be treated like a patient anyway, right? So, I won’t be the first to coax you the moment you throw a tantrum.”

 

This soothing gesture was a trick Su Lixu had accidentally discovered years ago when Fu Xingran would refuse to sleep and throw fits at night. As expected, it was still effective.

 

“If you consider me a teacher, a brother, or a friend, shouldn’t you learn to put yourself in my shoes? Think about whether I might get angry when you lose your temper.”

 

The gentle coaxing, paired with the touch on his ear, felt like a feather plucking at his heart—tingling, itchy, and incredibly comfortable.

 

Fu Xingran was stunned. Ah, so that’s it?

 

“Brother, I was talking to you very seriously. When I saw you smiling, I thought you were making fun of me. That’s why I was angry.”

 

Su Lixu laughed softly. “I wasn’t making fun of you.”

 

“Then why were you smiling?”

 

“Because you’re cute.” Su Lixu thought back to the boy’s puppy-like expression and couldn’t help a small smile.

 

Fu Xingran’s eyes lit up instantly. He praised me! Doctor Su called me cute!

 

Su Lixu thought that was probably enough, but just as he went to pull his hand away, Fu Xingran grabbed it.

 

“Then… is Teacher Su curious about what kind of person I like?” Fu Xingran held the hand, unwilling to let go. He decided to take the initiative; he couldn’t stand the days without contact. It wasn’t a life worth living.

 

Seeing how much Fu Xingran seemed to want to tell him, Su Lixu smiled helplessly and indulged him. “Then tell me. I’m quite curious to know what kind of person could capture Xingran’s heart.”

 

It wasn’t easy for BPD patients to fall in love, as most were sensitive and lacked security. But the person they did fall for must possess an immense charm to make them drop their guard and love willingly. Since Fu Xingran wanted to talk, he would listen.

 

“He is a very, very, very gentle person.”

 

Fu Xingran said this with a smile, his love surfacing in those three repetitions of “very gentle.” Each time he said it, he seemed happier, each repetition representing his affection.

 

Su Lixu met Fu Xingran’s glowing eyes. He could clearly capture that burning, passionate love. It knocked quietly at the door of his own heart. Then he heard Fu Xingran continue.

 

“I like him very, very, very much.” Fu Xingran covered the back of Su Lixu’s hand with both of his own, his gaze fixed on the man. “I can’t live without him. I don’t want to be away from him for a single second. I want to be with him forever and ever, never to be separated.”

 

Su Lixu had never seen Fu Xingran like this, but it made him look so vivid—like a fire that was being fueled, burning brilliantly and giving him the courage to live.

 

He couldn’t help but think of the character Cheng Dieyi from Farewell My Concubine. Cheng Dieyi’s life was so brilliant because of his obsession, burning his life into the most dazzling sparks. He said to his senior, Duan Xiaolou: “I want to perform with you for a lifetime! A whole lifetime! One minute, one second less, and it isn’t a lifetime!”

 

Everyone who saw that scene was moved to tears. Now, seeing it in reality with a BPD patient, such obsession shouldn’t be feared—it should be celebrated. Celebrated because another vivid soul had found a reason to stay in this world. As long as they didn’t lose control, the love of a BPD patient was the most passionate, sincere, and unreserved love in existence.

 

And the person Fu Xingran loved was his “switch.” He had essentially handed over his emotions and his life to that person.

 

“So, Brother, can you teach me how to pursue him?”

 

“…”

 

Su Lixu was momentarily speechless. He pulled Fu Xingran’s hands down. “I can’t. I can’t teach you that.”

 

He hadn’t even found someone he liked yet; how could he teach someone else how to woo?

 

“Brother, have you never been in love?” Fu Xingran asked, his eyes bright.

 

“…No.” Su Lixu sat back in his chair, clearing his throat to hide the awkwardness of being thirty and single. “I’ve been busy. Not much time.”

 

In that moment of looking down, he missed the way Fu Xingran’s gaze grew even more predatory.

 

“Then, Brother, what do you like?” Fu Xingran walked closer to his side.

 

“Me?” Su Lixu was confused. “Why are you asking me? You should ask the person you like.”

 

“I think whatever you like, he will definitely like too.”

 

Su Lixu looked up at him skeptically. “How is that possible?”

 

“Really, you have the same taste as him,” Fu Xingran praised without hesitation. “So I feel like if you like it, he will too. Give me some advice; I really want him to like me.”

 

Su Lixu never expected anyone to ask him for dating advice. This really stumped him. Looking at Fu Xingran’s pleading face, he wondered if he now had to research romance alongside personality disorders.

 

“Give a book?”

 

“Then what kind of books do you like, Brother?”

 

“I’m not picky.”

 

“I remember you have a wall of perfume in your closet. Do you like collecting them?”

 

“Yes, I like perfume very much. But not everyone likes it.”

 

“He has good taste like you; he’ll definitely like it. You haven’t mentioned her age yet. You can judge what she might like based on that.”

 

“He’s the same age as you, Brother.”

 

Su Lixu froze for half a second. He looked at Fu Xingran in shock, as if he had discovered something. Fu Xingran’s back tensed, thinking he had been found out.

 

“You like an older sister of that age?!” Su Lixu was quite surprised.

 

Fu Xingran breathed a sigh of relief. He had thought he was caught. He nodded with a smile. “I don’t think age is an issue. As long as it’s him, I’d love him even if he were sixty.”

 

“Then how did you meet?” Su Lixu wondered where a twenty-year-old like Fu Xingran would meet a woman his age.

 

“We met at my house,” Fu Xingran said truthfully.

 

Su Lixu’s expression became subtle, his words hesitating.

 

“What is it?” Fu Xingran asked.

 

Su Lixu lightly patted the back of Fu Xingran’s hand, like a small punishment. He looked serious. “Even if she’s ten years older than you, you can’t just bring her straight to your house. She’s a girl.”

 

“He came on his own,” Fu Xingran said, his heart racing from the small slap. He looked down at him. “He hugged me on the very first day. Brother, why don’t you say he was taking advantage of me?”

 

Su Lixu went silent. Fine. What does a thirty-year-old bachelor know?

 

Seeing Su Lixu speechless, Fu Xingran continued:

 

“Brother, do you think he fell in love at first sight because he hugged me the first time we met?” “Brother, he even slept with me later. Is that a hint that I can take the next step?” “Brother, he came over the moment I called. Does that mean he cares about me a lot?” “Brother, he even coaxes me when I can’t sleep. Does that mean he likes me a little too?”

 

The barrage of questions made Su Lixu’s head ache. He had never been in a relationship; how could he know? Besides, he didn’t want to hear these details, it felt strangely irritating. Finally reaching his limit, he glared at the boy.

 

“Fu Xingran, why are you asking me? Ask him!”

 

Fu Xingran had never seen Su Lixu angry. That voice, tinged with shame and irritation, and the flash of anger on that gentle face seemed to hit his “XP” perfectly. He grew excited.

 

“Brother, are you jealous?”

 

Su Lixu was utterly speechless. Jealous? Jealous of what? He stood up with a sigh. “Let’s go eat.”

 

Fu Xingran followed behind, relentlessly chirping, “Brother, you’re definitely jealous!” and “Don’t be mad, Brother, you’re still very important to me!”

 

Su Lixu thought to himself: I hope the person Fu Xingran likes takes this nuisance away soon.

 

Perhaps Mr. Fu’s worries were simply because he didn’t know his son had someone he liked. Someone was already there to save Fu Xingran. He wasn’t needed anymore.