Finding the Shape of Love - Chapter 9

I’ve always loved my sister. I realized a bit late that this deep affection wasn’t just ordinary family love, but since I was born, I’ve never once disliked her.

My sister was always mine. Whenever I called her name, no matter what she was doing, she’d turn to look at me. If I asked for something, she’d prioritize me above all else.

It’s not like there weren’t times when that wasn’t the case, but since it was never because of any specific person, I was the only special one to my sister among all humanity. My sister belonged to me.

I knew I didn’t have romantic feelings. I was still a child, and I didn’t have breasts yet. But my sister didn’t seem interested in romance itself either, and even though she had friends, she didn’t seem to have anyone particularly close, so I felt completely secure.

I thought that someday when I grew up, when my sister would start seeing me as a woman, I’d confess to her, and we’d be together forever not just as family but as lovers. Even if I couldn’t confess, we’d still be together forever as family.

“But tomorrow… I have a date.”

Yet that hope was shattered so casually. My sister seemed special only to me, but she was kind to others too, so I could imagine her being liked. But I never thought she’d decide something as important as becoming someone’s girlfriend so easily.

My sister may be weak to pressure, but if she truly disliked something or found it unreasonable, she had the quickness and inner strength to refuse, even resorting to violence if necessary.

I was just so confused by the suddenness of it all. I’d already confessed my feelings, it was frustrating not being believed, and I hated that someone else confessed before me. I wanted to be mature, but instead I ended up acting like a spoiled kindergarten child.

In the end, my sister only pretended to accept it but didn’t actually do it, and after saying it out loud, even I thought this was probably something I shouldn’t have said.

Still, my sister was truly kind. Even when she was exasperated with me, the gentle light in her eyes remained the same as always. She hadn’t come to hate me.

My sister didn’t break up with Koume-san, and my feelings were discovered, but still, her eyes hadn’t abandoned me. That’s why I couldn’t give up.

Looking at Koume-san, I thought I couldn’t win. Unlike me, she was an adult with large breasts. Her love for my sister radiated from her entire being, yet unlike me, she wasn’t aggressive at all. If asked who was better, there’s no way I could win.

Still, my sister didn’t seem to consider Koume-san special yet, so that was my only salvation. I couldn’t give up.

Or rather, even if my sister were to seriously fall for someone, I don’t think I could give up now. Because I love my sister, I love her so much that I can’t think of anything else.

When I look at my sister, I get turned on. My heart races, and when she helps me change clothes, my heart always pounds. Even just a touch on my shoulder feels so good, and afterwards I always end up doing it because I can’t resist, I love her so much.

Since my sister discovered my ulterior motives, she said she won’t even wake me up in the mornings anymore, but I can’t help it.

It’s true that I’m not good at waking up in the morning, but when she did wake me, watching her face while touching myself a little under the covers had become part of my routine. So, I guess that kind of cheating isn’t allowed anymore.

From now on, I’ll work hard to earn my sister’s recognition. Having decided that, when I went to take a bath, my heart started racing again.

Yesterday, thinking my sister had broken up with Koume-san, I felt relieved and remembered our kiss from the day before yesterday, doing it a lot before my bath, so I just took a normal bath and went straight to sleep.

Today, my sister hadn’t broken up with her, and while I was thinking about how to make my sister notice me, before any answers came to mind, it was already bath time.

My sister’s next bath – just entering the changing room, I can smell a bit of her scent. Just that makes my heart jump as if I’ve woken up suddenly. Peeking into the washing machine, I can see my sister’s shirt.

I don’t do this every day. I feel guilty about it. Still, my heart races, and since I haven’t been caught for a while, I ended up picking up my sister’s underwear.

Because, my sister, she let me kiss her, she let me touch her breasts. Just remembering that gets me excited forever. I know this is taking advantage of being family. But this is the last time. When I did it before, I didn’t think it would be the last time, so this is really the last time.

Holding my sister’s underwear, I decided to say my final goodbye in the bathroom with the shower running.

“Ah! Hah, haaaaah!?”

“……”

Just when I thought I was about to come, the door suddenly opened and my sister was standing there. My sister is here? She’s watching? She’s watching me feeling good thinking about her!?

Ignoring my confusion, my sister closed the door.

“…Huh?”

Sh-she’s not saying anything? Has she finally given up on me?

My sexual desire instantly faded away. What have I done? Crying with regret, I hand-washed my sister’s underwear and took a normal bath.

Afterwards, I visited my sister’s room to confess. My sister’s eyes still hadn’t become the eyes that look at a stranger. Praying that things would still work out somehow, I apologized to my sister.

While apologizing, I somehow got excited about exposing my desires, and even her exasperated look made my heart race, but my remorse was genuine.

My sister is so kind, treating me as special no matter what. That’s why I misunderstand. That’s why I can’t possibly come to hate her. Even though I want to resent her for it, to lock her away forever and make her mine.

“Think you can hold back?”

Like that, instead of just telling me to stop, she worries about whether I can actually stop, even caring about my sexual desires.

When she’s that kind to me, even just hearing her say it makes me imagine things and get excited. Of course, I can’t hold back.

I want to do it right now. I want my sister to watch me doing it while thinking of her. I don’t care if she makes fun of me. If my sister would just look at me, if she’d feel even a little bit that way too. Maybe if it’s just doing sexual things with my sister, it might be possible. I can’t help thinking such cunning thoughts.

“…If you don’t make a mess of the room and stay quiet, well, I guess it’s fine.”

“Eh!? R-really!?”

My sister is too kind. That’s why someone like me takes advantage of her. Thinking that, I take advantage anyway.

My sister looks annoyed with me, seems bothered by my wanting to do it right now, and directs me toward the trash can area, but that doesn’t calm my excitement at all. Rather, since I’m probably the only one who can make that sister make such a face, I get even more excited.

“S-sis, I’m sorry. Sorry, look, look, more, look”

“……”

My sister narrows her eyes, her face cold like when I bothered her before a test and she threw me aside. Not just for a moment, but right now, she keeps looking at me like that. My sister’s tightly closed mouth. I kissed those lips. Connected with that hot, thick tongue.

At least in this world right now, I’m the only one who knows that taste. Thinking that fills me with unbearable superiority, and I think “serves you right.” No matter how wonderful Koume-san is, she’s not my sister’s little sister. My sister’s little sister is only me.

I was the first to touch my sister’s breasts, the first to lick them. She’s my sister, mine alone.

Ah, I’m being watched. In front of my sister, I’m feeling good like an idiot. That fact is overwhelming, and it feels so much better than just imagining my sister alone, so I ended up exploding with more sexual desire than usual.

Going back to my own room was painful, but the feeling of my sister’s palm when she worried about me at the end felt too good, and since I wanted to do it one more time, I managed to return to my room.

The next day, as expected, I overslept. It was the first time my sister didn’t wake me up, but I tried harder than usual, so of course that would happen. I need to control myself properly tonight.

I haven’t decided at all how to make my sister fall for me, but I keep thinking only about how to feel good in front of my sister tonight.

Even realizing that doesn’t help. Today, I should probably avoid doing it in the bathroom during lunch break. Since I couldn’t do it when I woke up this morning, I’m already concerned, and since I’m wearing the underwear my sister chose for me, my body keeps reacting, but doing it in front of my sister would definitely feel better!

Thinking about tonight while putting on a panty liner so my underwear wouldn’t get wet.