Finding the Shape of Love - Chapter 3

And so it came to be the day of my first and last date with Koume, filled with guilt. Seen off by a cheerful Yoko, I headed to our meeting spot.

“Haaah…”

I’d agreed to it yesterday with some momentum, but now I feel weighed down. I have to turn her down after this. It’s bothersome, and I feel sorry for her. No, it’s more pitiful for someone to date a pathetic older sister like me who gets pushed around by her younger sister. Yeah. Even telling myself that, I still feel guilty.

“Senpai!”

“Ah”

Koume, who’d arrived at the meeting spot first, noticed me and started waving her hand energetically. It’s a bit embarrassing with people looking. I hurried over to her.

“Good morning, Koume. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“No, I just came early, so we still have plenty of time.”

“I see.”

I wanted to say, then please don’t call out to me from a distance since it’s embarrassing, but since this is the last time, it would be too cruel to say that.

“Well, shall we go? Lunch first, right?”

“Yes! Hehe. Asahi-senpai, is there anything you’d like to eat?”

“Hmm, what about you, Koume?”

Seeing Koume looking so genuinely happy makes me feel heavy-hearted when I think about betraying her, and I lose my appetite.

“I’d like to say anything is fine with you, Senpai, but we can’t go anywhere without a plan, so if you don’t mind, how about hamburgers?”

“Mm, sure.”

Even with this trivial conversation, Koume looks delighted. And she’s impressive for having a plan ready to make things go smoothly. I end up comparing this to my monstrous younger sister who’s impossible to talk to.

I know there’s a major chain store nearby from here. We start walking together.

“Senpai, what’s your favorite burger?”

“Teriyaki, I guess. Or rather, I basically only eat teriyaki.”

“Eh, you like it that much?”

“More like, it’s a hassle to choose, so I always end up picking the same thing.”

“Is that so? But I can see that. That does seem like Asahi-senpai.”

She’s beaming. It seems like she’d agree with anything I say. Hmm, this feels nice. After being exhausted from being dragged around by my sister yesterday, this is healing.

“What about you, Koume?”

“I’m pretty weak for limited-time offers, the type who ends up trying new things. And also fries. I order them every time.”

“Fries, huh. Should we get a large and share?”

“Really? I’m happy to. Yes, please!”

Eh, did I say something that would make her this happy? The small is a bit unsatisfying, and the medium is a bit too much for one person, so with two people it should be normal, I think.

“Hehe, sorry. I’m a bit too high-strung, aren’t I? It’s, well, our first date, hehe. I’m just so excited. Sorry.”

“Ah—, it’s totally fine. I mean, it’s cute.”

Ah, I ended up complimenting her normally. As expected, Koume looks happy at my words, her cheeks flushing and her eyes sparkling.

Crap! This makes it harder to turn her down. I’d been careful not to say things like her casual clothes suit her. Hmm. At this rate, maybe it’d be quicker to make Koume disillusioned with me herself?

We weren’t that close to begin with, so even if I act a bit weird, it should be easy to make her think that’s just how I am. That way there’s less guilt. Th-thinking like this to make the other person back off is a bit, well, I’m sorry.

But yeah, I’m actually not the kind, gentle type Koume thinks I am. I’m just overly lazy and go with the flow, and if anything, I think my personality is more trashy than not.

I hadn’t thought that much about it myself, but with this Yoko situation, I’ve come to understand. When asked, I agree even if I know it’ll hurt someone because it’s too much trouble—that’s trashy. I should wake Koume up quickly.

“Um, c-can we hold hands?”

“Eh?”

“Ah, i-if it’s no good, that’s totally fine. You don’t like it, right? Sorry, suddenly.”

“Eh, no, I don’t dislike it, and it’s just holding hands.”

…Ugh, why did I say that? This is exactly when I should have agreed. No, but, if I’d gone with the flow, this is what would happen.

“Ah, thank you. Then, um, p-please.”

As expected, Koume turns bright red and looks incredibly happy. Hmm, honestly, she’s cute. Being shown such straightforward affection, there’s no way I could feel bad about it.

Plus, even though I agreed, she’s fidgeting and not taking my hand herself.

I quickly take her hand and hold it. Compared to my sister’s, it’s bigger, but it’s smaller and slimmer than mine. It’s nothing special. Holding hands is something you can do even if you’re not lovers.

But Koume is clearly conscious of it, stiffening with unnatural tension. I lightly squeeze back and deliberately swing our arms.

“Koume, let’s take it easier. That way it’s more fun.”

“Y-yes! I’ll do my best!”

Hmm, feels like she didn’t get it. Well, whatever.

Koume was rigid at first, but after walking in silence for a while, she seemed to get used to it and could properly hold my hand, even gaining the leeway to glance at me occasionally. That’s the spirit. I cheered her on internally as we reached the restaurant.

“I’ll go order. Senpai, could you find us a seat?”

“Roger that.”

She’s a considerate girl. It’s lunchtime on a holiday, fairly crowded, but since we were a bit early, I managed to secure a seat without trouble. Now alone, I idly check my phone. There was a message from Yoko.

She’s probably putting on a displeased face so it wouldn’t be strange if I got dumped, I bet. Is Yoko really some kind of demon child?

“It’s going super smoothly! Believe in your big sister.” I replied. In this case, a white lie is justified.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“Thanks.”

I put away my phone and we have lunch. We spread out the fries and split them. The familiar taste of the burger. I don’t eat it often, but having it occasionally is delicious. The crispiness of the fries is good too.

“Mmph, s-sorry.”

“No no, being energetic is fine, isn’t it?”

Koume tried to eat several fries at once, and a short one plopped down. I laugh and cover for the embarrassed Koume. I almost said, “You’re energetic and cute, you know,” but I held back. Because Yoko does it often too, so I almost did it out of habit.

“You can eat calmly, it’s a date after all.”

“Y-yes. …Um… ah—n, nevermind.”

“Mm, eh? Sorry, was it no good?”

She was about to say something, but since it was offered to me, I just ate it normally. Since way back, when Yoko says she doesn’t want something anymore, she makes me eat all sorts of things, so when something is held near my mouth, I reflexively eat it.

“N-no. P-please, one more bite.”

“Hehe, the way you said that makes it sound like you want me to feed you, Koume.”

“……”

“Shall I feed you?”

“Please!”

Hmm, cute. I ended up having a normal, friendly time.

After eating and leaving the restaurant, we held hands again and Koume and I casually browsed around the mall. It’s a bit early, but autumn items are already displayed in the storefronts.

I especially like autumn items, they feel stylish. That said, I don’t have much of a budget. We just lightly window-shopped.

“This is kind of cute, isn’t it?”

“Ah, that’s nice. Koume, your hair is light, so cute, pop things like that suit you.”

Koume stopped in front of a hair clip displayed at the entrance of a general store we passed by.

Koume’s hair is light. It’s fluffy and long, very girly or maybe like a small animal—that kind of cuteness.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. Hmm, but dark, chic styles would probably suit you too, it seems like anything would suit you, though.”

My hair is seriously black, so even if I try to be stylish with black tones, it doesn’t stand out. School-wise, dyeing is technically allowed and I’m interested, but it’s such a hassle. Actually, even among my classmates, only a minority dye their hair. Surprisingly, when it’s allowed, not many people do it, huh.

“Hehehe, is that so? I’m happy. Hey, Asahi-senpai, as a memento of today, I’ll buy it, so could you choose for me?”

“Sure, but don’t complain later, okay?”

“I won’t! Hehe.”

She looks so happy. It’s making me happy too. I hold various hair clips against Koume’s hair, carefully comparing and struggling to choose.

Anything suits her, but something too safe would be boring. For things like this, it’s best to get something you wouldn’t normally choose yourself, something you don’t already have.

So, I went with a slightly fun ice cream hairpin. Ribbon types are too safe, and yet it’s not so outrageous that it would look weird wearing it. It’s just right, I think. And it suits her.

“It’s cute. Thank you! Sorry, it kind of feels like I pressured you into it, didn’t it?”

“Not at all.”

I bought the hairpin. Earlier at lunch, she paid afterward, but since I ate more of the fries, she didn’t pay for the fries portion, so a hairpin is about fair, right?

“I want to give you something in return too.”

“I basically don’t fiddle with my hair, so don’t worry about it. It’s a memento of today, right?”

“…Yes, thank you. Hehe. I’ll treasure it.”

Koume smiled, clutching the small bag I handed to her tightly against her chest.

After that, Koume and I decided to have tea at a random cafe.

“Phew, I’m a bit tired.”

“Yes, hehe. I got a bit too carried away.”

“Really? I thought it was the same as always.”

“Eh, is that so? …Could it be, in front of Asahi-senpai, I’m always carried away?”

Koume, sipping her seasonal limited chestnut drink with a happy expression, furrowed her brows anxiously at me as I tilted my head.

Hmm, if she’s always carried away in front of me, then in my eyes, there’s only the carried-away Koume, so I don’t know her normal state and can’t compare.

“I’m not really sure, but is that so?”

“Uu. I, I am aware that I’m a bit giddy, though.”

“I see. Well, it’s cute so it’s fine.”

“Asahi-senpai… hehe. I’ll wear today’s hairpin next time we have a date.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

I nodded along normally, then jolted in realization. Oh no. Sometime around when we were walking around the mall, I completely forgot that I have to break up with Koume. Or rather, I might have been so forgetful that I even sealed away the memory.

I thought I’d just say it properly at the end. But, um, I ended up getting her to naturally set up the next date.

Crap. Koume-chan, are you actually strong at this sort of thing?

“Ah, um—, about the next date, I mean.”

“Yes. How about your schedule?”

Koume was smiling, with a face that hadn’t considered being turned down at all. Of course. We spent the whole day together happily, and there was no decisive moment or mistake that would make Koume want to break up.

“Ab… about the confession reply, though.”

“! Asahi-senpai, like I said before, I have no intention of rushing at all. Even if it’s a month, or even a year, totally, anytime. Or rather, I’ll do my best until you come to like me.”

“…I, I see. Then, that’s fine.”

It’s totally not fine at all. But the flow was way too much to turn her down now.

No, um… alright! I’ll just pretend I turned her down. As long as I don’t slip up, she won’t find out. We go to different schools, so there’s no way for it to get out.

Basically, breaking up with someone who’s temporarily your girlfriend just because your younger sister told you to is unreasonable, right? Yeah. For now, for Yoko’s mental stability, I’ll act like we’re not dating, but Koume hasn’t done anything wrong.

Plus, being with Koume is fun and healing. It’s wrong to break up when I don’t actually want to, right? Alright. That settles it!