Finding the Shape of Love - Chapter 12

The first time I met Asahi-senpai was on my first outing after becoming a middle school student.

Since I’d graduated elementary school, my family finally gave me permission to go out alone, so even though the entrance ceremony hadn’t happened yet, I was proudly wearing my middle school uniform and thoroughly enjoying my outing.

I’d only ever gone out with my overprotective older brother and parents before, so just walking through the downtown area alone felt fresh and exciting. I took backstreets I never normally used and made lots of discoveries like “There are shops here too?” I was absolutely thrilled.

But then my happy mood was ruined. Some unfamiliar men came rushing out of a store and bumped into me, and they started harassing me. Looking back now, I think they were probably just high school students and not actually scary people, but at the time I was terrified and couldn’t help but start crying.

The one who spoke up and helped me was Asahi-senpai. The men were getting flustered by my crying, and when Asahi-senpai covered for me saying I was his little sister, they quickly went away somewhere.

For me, who couldn’t stop crying, Senpai treated me to juice and kept me company. Then when I tried to thank him, he said “It’s nothing” and left without even giving me his name.

Something like that—of course I’d fall for him instantly. I searched for Asahi-senpai, identified his school from his uniform, and started learning everything I could about him. The more I learned, the more I fell for him.

I recorded lots of things about Senpai. I worked hard and made preparations because I wanted to go to the same high school. I got into the same high school and joined the same committee. And I’d perfectly managed to get to the point where we were acquainted.

But no matter what, I couldn’t bring myself to actively speak to him. I knew it myself. After all, even in middle school, I knew his general range of activities, about when he went out, what kind of people he was friendly with, but in the end I still couldn’t speak to him.

So even now, I’m still the same as I was back then. There’s no way I could say “It’s me from back then,” so sitting next to him in committee meetings and having him speak to me and remember my name was my limit.

So, I took the plunge. If I couldn’t speak to him naturally, then I’d confess. If I just confessed, I wouldn’t need to hide my feelings. Even if he thought I was weird, it wouldn’t be a lie to say I’d liked him for a long time. I might not be able to act naturally to gradually become closer, but I could throw myself at him and say I liked him.

“I’m home, Asahi-senpai.”

I begged my parents to let me live alone. Because my feelings couldn’t be contained in just my room anymore.

When I get home, I greet Senpai. First, to the photo of Asahi-senpai I have in a frame by the entrance. The very first photo I took of him after we first met. My photography skills were still poor back then, and it’s taken from far away so it’s a bit hard to see. But this is the origin. Every photo of Senpai is wonderful.

Besides that, I have photos of Senpai made into posters, life-sized panels—lots and lots of Asahi-senpai photos displayed. I’m glad I’m living alone like this. Not just in my room, but from the moment I come home, even when I’m eating meals, I can feel Senpai’s presence all the time.

Though admittedly, I’m too embarrassed to put photos in the toilet or bath.

“Hehe, ohoho.”

Today, I discovered another wonderful thing about Senpai.

For my part, I want Senpai to know everything about me, and I want to know everything about Senpai. I want to always be thinking about Senpai, and I want him to always be thinking about me.

But I know that generally, these feelings would be considered heavy. I know that washing and displaying the cup from the juice he bought me when we first met, taking photos of him without permission, watching over him from when he goes out on holidays until he returns home without speaking to him. These are all creepy behaviors.

Even after we started attending the same school, just memorizing his destinations and approaching without speaking, only gathering information from his conversations with friends—even I think that’s gloomy and obsessive.

But Senpai not only forgave this heavy aspect of me—my attempt to secretly GPS track him—he actually approved of it.

Maybe someday, even if I show him all of me, he’ll forgive me. Thinking that, I take the lunchbox out of my bag.

The disposable chopsticks I specially prepared. Senpai has a habit of breaking his chopsticks, so I stopped him before he could, put them in a paper bag, then in a pouch, and collected them. Senpai didn’t find it strange at all and just said “Sorry about the trash” as he handed them over.

“…Yes.”

I collected them before Senpai’s used items could be thrown in the trash. Of course, I want to lick them. But I’ll restrain myself. This is the first time Senpai ate something I made myself. I’ll keep this as a memento of that.

I gently place them in a ziplock bag and write the date and memory on it. Then I put it in my collection box.

Even though I say I’m collecting Senpai’s things, empty cans would take up too much space, and things with liquid left are definitely unhygienic. So, it’s just things like dropped and abandoned erasers, paper juice cartons, and hairs I retrieved from his gym clothes.

I properly open and wash the paper juice cartons along with the straws before storing them, so it’s hygienic. That said, since they’ve been in the trash, I obviously can’t put my mouth on them. They’re just keepsakes to remember that Senpai touched them.

This is my first time with chopsticks, but they’re not wet so it should be fine, right? I’m a little worried. Maybe I should just lick them to savor them, then wash and store them. But if I just wash them, that’s one thing—if I lick them, then they’re no longer Senpai’s items but become my items instead.

“Hmm, this is troubling.”

For now I’ll leave them like this, and if they seem fine when I check tomorrow, I’ll keep them as is. If they seem questionable, I’ll switch to washing and storing them. I’ll save the licking for when I acquire things like empty cans that would be discarded anyway.

Since I’ve finished tidying up, I’ll prepare dinner. To be able to take care of Senpai anytime, practicing housework is essential, so living alone is good in that sense too.

I finally got to show off my cooking with the lunchbox, so today was the best day ever.

I found out Senpai likes nori bento not from him but from a conversation with his friends, but since we’ve been acquainted for about six months even in his perception, I managed to play it off well.

I keep separate notes of everything I’ve heard directly from Senpai so I don’t mix up my knowledge, but sometimes things slip out anyway.

Senpai has an easygoing personality, so my stalker-like behaviors haven’t been discovered yet, but if he knew I’d been following him all this time, he probably wouldn’t think well of me.

At first, I was just following him because I wanted to talk to him, but I can’t deny that along the way, I started enjoying the act of following itself. Because Senpai is just too wonderful.

After finishing dinner, I take a bath. Living alone can be bothersome sometimes, but there’s no way I could stand next to Asahi-senpai with a dirty body, so I properly soak in the bath every day and keep myself clean.

By the time I dry my hair, it’s already 9 PM. I couldn’t observe Senpai’s house all the way until night, but I roughly know how many hours he sleeps and when he wakes up.

So, estimating from that, it seems he goes to sleep between 11 PM and midnight. So regular—that serious side of him is wonderful too.

So soon it should be about time we could talk on the phone. Ideally, I’d like to have a call where we fall asleep together, so it would be best if Senpai has already taken his bath. In that case, maybe about an hour later would be better, but it should be fine to at least check when he might be available to talk.

‘Good evening. I’m just about to go to sleep, but I was thinking I’d like to talk if you’re available. What are you doing right now, Senpai?’

So first I send a text and wait for a response. …No read receipt. Maybe he’s in the bath. It’s frustrating, but there’s nothing I can do.

I read a novel. Reading books was originally good entertainment for me, but now it’s also become a tool for imagining things with Senpai.

I used to prefer mystery novels before, but now reading romance novels and thinking about Senpai is so much fun. I want to do this and that with Senpai—my dreams keep expanding.

The dating scenes in the story. The hand-holding parts. I suddenly look at my own hand. Today, I held hands with Asahi-senpai.

When we first held hands during our date the other day, my heart was pounding, but even the second time, I still can’t calm down at all. This was the first time I initiated holding hands, but unlike my ideal, it was more like I just went with the momentum, acting on my happiness as I took Senpai’s hand.

Senpai didn’t refuse either, and gently held my hand. It was so tender, my heart was pounding, it almost hurt. I always wanted to get closer to Senpai. Once I actually got close, I wanted to get even closer, and I couldn’t help but feel restless.

Senpai’s hand was warm, large, with long fingers, and strong—just remembering it makes my heart race.

“…Haa.”

My exhaled breath is hot. I feel kind of embarrassed and check the clock.

“Senpai, you’re late.”

It’s been about 30 minutes since I sent the message. Maybe it was exactly when he started taking a bath. He’s not the type to be on his phone 24/7 anyway, or maybe he has the sound off and hasn’t noticed.

“…Fufufu.”

I have an idea and open the location tracking app I installed with Senpai’s permission. Senpai’s GPS is naturally pointing to his house.

Nothing unexpected, and I wasn’t particularly worried that he was out or anything. But being able to visually confirm that Senpai is definitely home right now—

That alone makes me happy. Asahi-senpai. I love you. Even I thought this was a bit obsessive, but Senpai cheerfully accepted it.

Senpai is kind, and more wonderful than I ever imagined. Even watching him from afar, I liked him so much, but now I’m falling for him even more.

Ah, I love him. This app is a proper annual subscription one, so it’s unlikely anyone else could see this information. Only I can always see where Senpai is. Thinking that makes my heart race.

‘Sorry to keep you waiting. I’m available now, but did you fall asleep?’

Then after another 30 minutes or so past 10 PM, I finally got a response. I impatiently closed the book I was reading without even bothering to use a bookmark, lay down on my bed with my phone, and pressed the call button.

“Senpai! Good evening, it’s totally fine!”

‘Whoa, Koume, you’re energetic’

“Yes, ohoho. When I thought I could talk with Senpai, it made me energetic”

‘I-I see. That makes me happy’

Even when I put my affection front and center, Senpai never makes a disgusted face. Of course, from Senpai’s perspective, our interaction is still shallow, so he doesn’t feel the same way about me. But he seems happy about it. I’m happy.

I’m glad I took the plunge and confessed. Watching from afar was happy too, but there was that “little sister” wildcard. It’s good I did it now.

“Senpai, do you usually take baths pretty late?”

‘Ah, no, I’d already taken a bath long ago, but uh, well, my little sister. Ah, no, of course I didn’t touch her in any weird way’

“Fufu, what’s that about? I wouldn’t go that far and say something horrible. Even if she is a love rival, she’s Asahi-senpai’s family after all”

She’s still just a child in her first year of middle school, so there probably isn’t that much to worry about. I’m glad I confessed now. In all things, the first move wins. Sorry, Yoko-chan, but blood-related sisters are practically weaklings in romantic relationships. I’ll stay vigilant, but there’s probably no need to be that hostile toward her. Someday she’ll be my little sister too.

‘O-oh? Thanks. Well, I’m also, you know, having a bit of trouble gauging the distance. Yeah’

“More than that, I want to know about you, Senpai. About what time do you usually go to sleep?”

That aside, I didn’t really want to hear about his little sister from Senpai’s mouth, so I changed the subject. That day, I talked a lot with Senpai. I was happy.