Did Assistant Xie Make the Trending Searches Today? - Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Teasing

“Wow! The very first meal and we already have such an explosive hook!”

The director, watching the live viewership numbers climb steadily in front of the monitors, couldn’t stop grinning.

Young Master Jin! You certainly know how to create variety show gold.

The people on-site all wore “tea-spilling” expressions, with two exceptions: Shen Ji frowned slightly, and Lan Chi’s expression could only be described as hideous. Lan Chi glared at Xie He-ting, his gaze scanning back and forth between him and Jin Huaifeng like a searchlight, as he demanded loudly, “What did you two do! What underwear! Explain yourselves.”

The smell of gunpowder was thick enough to ignite.

“Wait, isn’t Lan Chi’s attitude a bit too… arrogant? He’s acting like the ‘Primary Spouse.’ Do he and Jin Huaifeng have a history too?”

“Doesn’t look like it. At most, it’s just a one-sided crush.”

The person at the center of it, Xie He-ting, was currently struck dumb. For the first time in his life, he had been so flagrantly slandered. He was so anxious his face turned pale: “I—I only helped you organize your luggage in passing. I didn’t hide your underwear!”

Who would hide someone else’s undergarments? He wasn’t some lecherous rogue!

He sounded a bit aggrieved as he added: “Don’t talk nonsense! This matter is very serious.”

Seeing that he was embarrassed beyond measure, Jin Huaifeng slowly picked up his chopsticks, put a bit of side dish into his mouth, chewed deliberately, and finished it before kindly explaining: “Oh, then I must have been mistaken. They were a bit hard to find; I looked for a while and thought you had tucked them away for me.”

Xie He-ting was nearly fuming. Just because he couldn’t find them, he claimed he had hidden them!

This person is wicked!

Zhou Yanrong’s gaze swept over the two of them. He burst into a laugh and pointed at Xie He-ting, whose face looked like it was about to drip blood. He scolded playfully: “That’s not kind, Young Master Jin. Teasing our little friend like this—look how shamed you’ve made him.”

“Just adjusting the atmosphere,” Jin Huaifeng shrugged indifferently.

Xie He-ting finally caught on. He had a sudden epiphany and said loudly: “So you were teasing me!”

“Pffft—” Mu Ying laughed like crazy.

Even Shi Jixing, who had been acting like an invisible man, cast a glance over. This little live-wire… where did the production team dig him up?

“Hahahaha, who taught this kid to be so direct!”

“And people said he was seducing others? I don’t think He-he has the brains for that.”

“Warning: watch your mouth. You’re making our He-he sound like he has an intellectual disability.”

Jin Huaifeng very calmly brushed aside the finger pointed at him. He wickedly showed a row of white teeth to Xie He-ting: “Yeah, I’m teasing you. Do I need to take responsibility for you?”

Xie He-ting never expected Jin Huaifeng to be so thick-skinned and shameless. His face turned a deep red from his neck all the way to his forehead. Although male-to-male romance flourished in his Great Yan Dynasty and he often encountered same-sex advances when he went out, teasing like this… he hadn’t dared to experience it!

The people here are so scary! m(._.)m.

Xie He-ting stared at him with wide eyes for a long time, but the other man remained perfectly calm, letting him look. He looked like he was saying, “If you want to bite someone, I’ll just roll up my sleeves and let you have two bites.”

Xie He-ting was so angry he silently nudged his chair a bit closer to Lan Chi.

A lecherous rogue. Can’t afford to provoke him—I’ll hide!

“Hhhhh, I knew it. I was just watching their room’s live stream; nothing happened.”

“Nothing happened before, but looking at Brother Jin’s attitude, who knows about the future.”

“Hehe, Movie Star Shen’s expression is also worth analyzing. I feel like he’s got a bit of… something.”

“Mr. Shen is solo and beautiful. Don’t cue him, thanks.”

This show truly lived up to its name as a paradise for “face-lovers.” Even a mundane eating segment had the audience licking their screens until they were full. Xie He-ting’s eating habits were exceptionally good: he didn’t smack his lips, he didn’t use his chopsticks to rummage through the dishes, he only ate what was in front of him, and he took small bites without making a sound.

“Watching Little He eat makes me hungry.”

“I feel like He-he could be a mukbang streamer. He looks so pleasing when he eats; such strong ‘appetite tension’.”

“He eats so heartily. I’m hungry too. I need a bowl of Kang Shuaifu noodles to sweep away the hunger and be myself again.*”

While everyone else had been chatting, they eventually fell silent. Xie He-ting, who had been focused on eating for a while, sensed the shift. He finished chewing his last bite, swallowed as his Adam’s apple bobbed, and finally spoke: “Why are you all looking at me? Is there something on my face?”

Shen Ji couldn’t help but smile, his eyes curving gently: “No.”

Shi Jixing also cast an unobtrusive glance at Xie He-ting, the tension in his brow relaxing slightly. However, when his gaze moved to Lan Chi next to him, his brow couldn’t help but furrow.

“Hhhh, Lan Chi’s eating is a total mess! The contrast with He-ting is too obvious.”

“Poor thing, how have you lived abroad until now and still not learned how to use chopsticks?”

Although civilian identities were secret for the first week, Lan Chi had mentioned during introductions that he had lived abroad and had only returned to the country two months ago. He asked for everyone’s tolerance if he made a fool of himself due to cultural differences. Because of his parents, Lan Chi’s Mandarin was decent without a heavy accent, but his lifestyle was Westernized. He couldn’t use chopsticks properly; several times, the food fell halfway to his mouth, and once he even splattered sauce onto Shen Ji, who was closest to him.

Wen Zhou, being one of the only two people familiar with him, looked at him eating with worry: “Lan Chi, do you want me to get you a knife and fork? This is too much effort.”

“It’s okay, I can do it! Don’t worry about me!” Lan Chi was in a battle with the chopsticks, speaking without looking up: “Brother Shen Ji, I’m sorry for dirtying your clothes. Send me the tag later, and I’ll buy you a new one.”

“It’s fine. It’s no big deal.” Shen Ji watched him struggle to scoop up food and sighed.

It wasn’t just him; except for the focused Xie He-ting and Jin Huaifeng, who wasn’t looking that way at all, everyone found it painful to watch. Yet Lan Chi was oblivious, still locked in a battle of wits and courage against a pathetic piece of fish in his bowl.

“That fish died in vain, seriously.” “Someone save the poor kid. That tender cod meat has been turned into fish paste by him. Can’t you just shove it in my mouth instead?” “Movie Star Shen stood up. Where is he going?”

“Try using a spoon.” A gentle voice sounded in Lan Chi’s ear.

Lan Chi saw an exquisite, beautiful silver spoon being placed gently beside his plate.

“Oh.” Lan Chi looked up in surprise. “Thank you, Brother Shen Ji.” Surprised, Lan Chi picked up the spoon and scooped the food from his bowl. It was indeed much easier than chopsticks! The starving Lan Chi finally found a handy tool and began to eat in large bites: “Mmm, this works great.”

Everyone watched Lan Chi successfully manage to eat and let out a collective sigh of relief.

“Waaaaah, Shen Ji is truly so gentle~”

“Lan Chi and Shen Ji are actually quite ship-worthy—the clumsy beauty and the gentle older brother. Mmm, this ‘rice’ is delicious.”

Although there were some interactions at the table, they were, after all, strangers. Combined with their status as stars versus civilians, the conversation stalled after a few lines. Mu Ying had long anticipated this. Seeing everyone putting down their chopsticks one by one, he said: “Is everyone about finished? Then let’s have a chat. The production team has thoughtfully prepared ’36 Questions for Love.’ Today, we’ll talk about the first and second questions.”

“Hahaha, what the hell, ’36 Questions for Love’.”

“The chat segment is bound to have the most tea.”

Zhou Yanrong blinked at him: “Mu Ying, looking at your expression, I feel like something bad is about to happen.” They had crossed paths before recording; though not very close, they were more familiar than the other guests.

“Oh, it’s just a simple chat about relationship histories,” Mu Ying laughed like a cat that had caught a fish. “Yanrong, why don’t you set an example for everyone and share your most unforgettable relationship?”

“Hahahaha, who did Little Mu learn this from? He really loves the drama. Everyone knows Zhou Yanrong has lovers all over the world—if one of his exes is watching the screen right now and hears it’s not them, they’ll be fuming.”

“Hehe, what’s even more wicked is that Wen Zhou is right there.”

“If Zhou Yanrong’s answer isn’t Wen Zhou, I think Wen Zhou will shatter on the spot.”

“You wicked guy,” Zhou Yanrong blinked his incredibly charming eyes, his tone intimate. “The moment you arrive, you want to uncover my old secrets? Is there no privacy left?”

“This is a dating show; we emphasize speaking freely.”

Zhou Yanrong didn’t take the bait, saying with a smile: “You’re the host, you go first. Tell us about your most unforgettable relationship.”

Mu Ying casually grabbed Mu Shenyu’s hand next to him: “Mine is right here. Married.” As he spoke, he pointedly showed off his ring. Mu Shenyu cooperated fully, his smile full of doting.

“Ugh, married men are terrifying. I can’t take any more PDA.”

“I’m being ‘hard-controlled’ by Mu Ying’s ring again. Remembering the time he bragged to everyone he met, I’m getting a violent shiver.”

“Zhou Yanrong, of all people to ask, you ask Mu Ying. Are you not full from this good food? You had to go look for dog food!”

“Quick, speak,” Mu Ying pointed at Zhou Yanrong, scolding playfully. “Don’t try to fish in troubled waters!”

Everyone’s eyes fell simultaneously on Zhou Yanrong’s face. Wen Zhou’s right hand, resting on his knee, clenched into a fist out of nervousness. Zhou Yanrong wasn’t one to shy away; he propped his chin with his slender fingers and began to think. Wen Zhou didn’t even dare to breathe, quietly looking at him from the side.

“The most unforgettable one…” He put a finger to his lips, looking troubled. “What should I do? Every single one of mine is unforgettable.”

“What kind of ‘Sea King’ speech is that, hahahahaha.”

“Isn’t that a foul?”

“But is it possible he’s telling the truth?”

“Then, among those here, what type do you like?” Wen Zhou, sitting next to him, asked in a hoarse voice. He stared directly at Zhou Yanrong, his tone determined, as if he wouldn’t stop until he got an answer.

“Hmm…” Zhou Yanrong frowned slightly, looking distressed.

Lan Chi, enjoying the show, deliberately said: “Brother Rong, you can’t ‘fish in smooth water’ with this question again, or our chat will ‘hang’.” He had learned the phrases “fishing in troubled waters” and “the chat will die” from others, but since he remembered them wrong, he changed them to his own version.

Zhou Yanrong, pushed by everyone, waved his hand in resignation. “Fine, fine. I’ll say it.”

Wen Zhou’s body tensed as he waited for the reply.

“If it’s among those here…” He paused, his gaze sliding over several faces. After a while, a smile blossomed. “I quite like President Mu’s type, but he’s already spoken for. So…” Zhou Yanrong smiled and pointed at Xie He-ting: “Someone like him, I guess. The obedient ones—I like that.”

Xie He-ting met Wen Zhou’s heartbroken, slightly hostile, and jealous gaze. He just wanted to say: I didn’t provoke any of you!

“…I think Wen Zhou is about to shatter.”

“‘I am Option E, I am Plan B, I am an expired love…‘ How fitting.”

“Add one more line: ‘I am the stray dog you see the moment you turn around.’“

“User above, please retract that. My ‘corpse’ feels uncomfortable.”

Zhou Yanrong’s answer was clearly a brush-off, but it still tore Wen Zhou’s heart to pieces. Not even willing to say his name as a formality—what did that prove?

Mu Ying saw Wen Zhou’s expression and didn’t have the heart to continue, so he turned the topic to Shen Ji. “Brother Shen Ji, what type do you like?”

“I like those with simple minds, focused and long-lasting,” Shen Ji said unhurriedly, wiping his hands with a damp towel, his tone gentle. “I’m getting older; I can’t handle too much tossing and turning.”

“Brother, you’re only in your thirties, you’re in your prime!!!”

“Who said you’re old? Don’t act like you’ve seen through the mortal world.”

In front of the screens, Shen Ji’s long-time fans heard his answer and tears fell instantly. They gritted their teeth and cursed: “That guy with the surname Fu deserves to die! Look how much you hurt our brother. It’s good you broke up, otherwise who knows how much more torture he’d take!”

The conversation in the camera continued.

“Oh? Speaking of which, someone here fits your requirements perfectly,” Mu Ying blinked at Shen Ji, and the two began a game of riddles. Shen Ji chuckled, looking tenderly in Xie He-ting’s direction without denying Mu Ying’s words.

“This ‘straight ball’ was so good my old face is turning red.”

“Just get married already.”

“They can’t. Look at He-ting’s confused expression—does it look like he ‘got’ the meaning?”

He-he teased x2.

Mu Ying saw that Shi Jixing had remained silent, so he cued him: “Jixing, what type do you like?”

Shi Jixing was lukewarm and didn’t even lift his head, giving no face at all: “No one sitting here is my type.”

“Hiss—this brat, isn’t he just offending people?” This statement was like a drop of hot oil; the comments exploded. Shi Jixing’s fans immediately spoke up: “What’s wrong? Our Xiao Xing is just being true to himself. If he doesn’t like anyone, does he have to lie?”

“Who said coming here means you have to successfully hold hands? Is anyone here worthy of Xiao Xing? The person worthy of Xiao Xing hasn’t appeared yet.”

“It’s okay if there’s no one now. I hope by the day we finish recording, you can find a guest you want to walk away with,” Mu Ying smoothed things over.

Mu Shenyu then cued Lan Chi and Jin Huaifeng. Lan Chi said very directly: “The type I like? Obviously someone like Brother Huaifeng.”

Everyone’s eyes lit up simultaneously.

“Aha, so you came prepared after all,” Wen Zhou finally recovered from his emotions and made a joke.

“I came to this show specifically for him.” Lan Chi paused, turned to look at Jin Huaifeng, and threw a “straight ball”: “Brother Huaifeng, among those here, what type do you like?”

“None,” Jin Huaifeng said with a calm expression. He glanced over Shen Ji, Zhou Yanrong, and Mu Shenyu. “Their ‘numbers’ conflict with mine. As for the rest, I don’t feel anything for the time being.”

“Number conflict?? What number?? The ‘number’ I’m thinking of??”

“But, but Zhou Yanrong just chose the number 0!”

“Silly child, you think choosing 0 makes you a ‘0’? You’re too naive.”

Everyone was amused. Finally, the question turned to Xie He-ting.

All eyes fell on him. Shen Ji smiled, his gaze tender. Jin Huaifeng crossed his arms, looking confident. Shi Jixing was expressionless, though clearly paying attention. They were all waiting for Xie He-ting’s answer.

Young Master Xie was clueless about romance—his “ten orifices” were open for nine, and the last one was completely blocked. However, speaking of the reason he had fallen into the water and drowned, it was precisely because of this cursed thing called “feelings”!

He still dared to like someone? He’d be afraid he wasn’t dying fast enough!

So he said very seriously: “There is no one here that I like, and I don’t plan on liking anyone else.”

Everyone: “???”

This silly child, why are you replying to a prompt with a ‘Message Read but Ignored’ vibe? You’re on a dating show—if you’re not falling in love, what are you here for?

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