Dating Myself - Chapter 51

The birthday cake was something Jian Yixi had ordered while still in Weicheng, deliberately choosing a bakery near An Mu’s home. After getting off the train, she first went to the supermarket to buy groceries before picking up the cake.

The cake wasn’t large, only six inches. Jian Yixi had subtly inquired beforehand and knew that no one was celebrating An Mu’s birthday, and that An Mu had even forgotten the day herself, so she hadn’t prepared a larger one; enough for two people would suffice.

In reality, two people couldn’t even finish a six-inch cake. Even with Chen Han joining them, the three didn’t finish it, with each only eating a small slice—the gesture was the important thing.

After all the fuss, it was half-past twelve. Chen Han got up to say goodbye. An Mu politely offered, “Why don’t you just sleep in the guest room? It’s so late now.”

Chen Han turned back and smiled, “Since your friend is here, I won’t stay. Get some rest, you have an exam tomorrow.”

These words were spoken with great subtlety. To An Mu, who had long mixed in the adult world, they were just ordinary polite remarks. But to Jian Yixi’s ears, they were a stark display of boasting.

—You’re here today, so I’ll leave. But once you’re gone tomorrow, I’ll be staying.

Jian Yixi bit her lip, and her mood, which had only just improved, sank again to rock bottom.

After seeing Chen Han into the elevator, Jian Yixi dispiritedly returned to the apartment and entered the kitchen, starting to wash the dishes with a clatter.

An Mu cut the remaining cake into small pieces, neatly arranged them into a lunch box, and put it in the refrigerator. After tidying the living room a little, she walked into the kitchen to help Jian Yixi wipe the clean dishes dry and put them away in the cupboard.

“Let me state this first: I’m not that I don’t trust you—I trust you one hundred percent. I just can’t figure something out, and if I think about it more, my head will explode, so I want to ask you… you…”

Jian Yixi turned her gaze toward the Mobius necklace around An Mu’s neck. Under the incandescent light, the fragmented light of the gemstone was dazzling and beautiful.

“This necklace was clearly sent by Liang Sirui, so why did Liang Sirui say it wasn’t from her?”

An Mu was slightly stunned. “What?”

Jian Yixi told An Mu what had happened earlier. She didn’t know what her motivation was, but she deliberately skipped the part about Chen Han liking An Mu, only mentioning the call Chen Han had made to Liang Sirui.

“You heard it with your own ears?”

“Yes, I remember Liang Sirui’s voice. It was definitely her.”

“Why did you and Chen Han suddenly bring up the necklace?”

“Well… Chen Han said the necklace was a gift from her.”

An Mu lowered her eyes and slowly wiped a plate.

She wasn’t too surprised that Chen Han would say that; after all, Chen Han acted in every way as if she wanted to cozy up to An Mu. Chen Han feared Jian Yixi would steal her place in An Mu’s heart. Although this was a bit childish, it was understandable.

But why did Liang Sirui lie?

Liang Sirui was strongly against An Mu contacting Chen Han, so clearly, she wasn’t on Chen Han’s side. Yet why did she listen to Chen Han? In a situation like this, regardless of whether she sent the necklace or not, based on her usual personality, Liang Sirui would surely have claimed it as her own gift. Why did she show such a strange contradiction?

“Do you remember exactly what they said? What were their original words?”

Jian Yixi always had a good memory and essentially reconstructed the conversation.

After listening, An Mu had a vague guess.

“Perhaps… Chen Han has some leverage over Liang Sirui, which is why she was forced to lie.”

“But Liang Sirui really did send Chen Han a sealed photo, and it wasn’t this necklace.”

“Stop guessing. Let’s finish the dishes first. Once they’re done, I’ll video call Liang Sirui.”

Jian Yixi was eager to know the truth, and her originally sluggish washing instantly tripled in speed. With a clatter, all the dishes were quickly scrubbed clean.

After drying their hands, the two sat side-by-side on the living room sofa. An Mu took out her phone and started a video call with Liang Sirui.

Jian Yixi nervously stared at An Mu’s phone screen.

Ding-a-ling-dong-long, ding-a-ling-dong-long.

The video rang for a long time, but no one picked up.

An Mu hung up the WeChat call and switched to dialing Liang Sirui’s mobile number.

Still no answer.

It was one o’clock in the morning in China, which was around six or seven o’clock in Paris. Liang Sirui would have finished her classes a long time ago. Why wasn’t she answering?

An Mu knew Liang Sirui quite well. She wasn’t one for house parties or nightclubs. Her biggest hobby was studying densely packed code, and she had a natural talent for it. Remotely decoding the Weicheng Second Foreign Language School forum IDs was as easy as drinking water for her.

Usually, after class, Liang Sirui preferred to code while wearing a facial mask and rarely went out. This was the first time An Mu couldn’t reach her by both phone and WeChat.

“Maybe she just happens to have something to do today. Didn’t she say she was busy before?”

Jian Yixi nodded hesitantly.

“She did say that. Maybe she was too busy to hear it, or perhaps she turned the sound off.”

An Mu put away her phone and stood up.

“Let’s wait until tomorrow. It’s so late. We should go to sleep.”

Jian Yixi glanced at the now-dark screen of the phone and followed An Mu into the guest room.

The house was cleaned twice a week, and the guest room was very clean. An Mu took a long-handled bed brush to sweep the bed and then handed Jian Yixi a thin quilt.

“Get some rest.”

Jian Yixi looked up at her, her long lashes casting two dark shadows, her expression exceptionally conflicted.

“Can… can I say two more things?”

“It’s just… how did Chen Han know about those messages I sent you?”

“What messages?”

“Well… the things I said when my mind was knocked by a door.”

Seeing Jian Yixi’s ears flush red with embarrassment, the irritation An Mu felt because of Liang Sirui suddenly calmed down, and she deliberately teased Jian Yixi.

“Which words?”

“Just… that I… I like you and stuff.”

“You like me? But I’m not a lesbian, so I’m afraid I’ll have to refuse you.”

“An Mu!” Jian Yixi was so angry she forgot to be shy. She looked up and glared at An Mu. “Can you be serious? I’m angry, do you know that I’m angry?!”

“I know now.”

An Mu was still smiling.

Jian Yixi puffed up like a pufferfish. Normally, she would have hit An Mu twice, but considering An Mu was the birthday girl today, she let her off easy.

“Chen Han could recite those WeChat messages. Tell me, how would she know?”

Looking at Jian Yixi’s taut little face, her cheeks pink from either anger or shame, An Mu finally managed to suppress the corner of her lips slightly.

“It was probably when I was having dinner with her that day. She saw the photo of the family dinner you sent, and she saw them unintentionally.”

“Unintentionally?”

“That’s more like it.”

Although she trusted An Mu, and had guessed that Chen Han must have either peeked or seen them accidentally, hearing An Mu say it still made Jian Yixi breathe a sigh of relief.

Wait!

“Why would you show her the photo I sent?”

“Her flight back to France is on the ninth day of the lunar new year, so she invited me to a farewell dinner a day early.”

An Mu spoke clearly and openly, but Jian Yixi felt choked, like a duck whose neck was squeezed. She couldn’t catch her breath, making her feel miserably stifled.

“You were with Chen Han on my birthday?”

“You never said it was your birthday. If you had said so…”

“What then?”

Jian Yixi’s eyes lit up, and she looked at An Mu with anticipation, practically begging to hear the question, ‘Would you have come to me instead?’

The line Jian Yixi was hoping for tumbled around twice in An Mu’s mouth before being swallowed back.

—Children are spoiled by indulgence. This year’s birthday is over, but there’s next year. Can’t indulge her too much.

An Mu stroked Jian Yixi’s head and said faintly, “If you had said so, I would have sent you a red envelope and wished you a happy birthday.”

“Oh…” The light in Jian Yixi’s eyes instantly extinguished, and she drooped her head listlessly. “So, the point is that on my birthday, you didn’t spend it with me, but were with Chen Han instead.”

“The way you say that, it sounds like you’re jealous?”

Jian Yixi turned and sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at An Mu with an angry glance.

“I told you to be serious. We are friends. What reason do I have to be jealous? I just think Chen Han’s character is not very good, and I’m afraid you’ll get hurt.”

“How long have you known her? You already think her character is bad?”

An Mu actually also felt that Chen Han had flaws in her character, but that conclusion was reached after multiple interactions and the experience of her past life. How did a simple girl like Jian Yixi, who saw the good in everyone, come to this conclusion?

It seemed the time spent cooking must have been more dramatic than An Mu had imagined.

Just as Jian Yixi was about to answer, An Mu reached out, grabbed the edge of the thin quilt, and pulled her out of the guest room.

“It looks like our conversation won’t be over anytime soon. Let’s turn off the lights and lie in bed to talk slowly. Once we’re done, we can sleep.”

“O-one, one bed…”

Jian Yixi gave a forced laugh, her palms faintly sweating. She followed An Mu’s footsteps upstairs, watching An Mu’s slender back, especially the narrowing waistline, and her smile became even more strained. She couldn’t help but mutter under her breath.

“It’s-it’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before. Th-this is really nothing.”

Jian Yixi’s mind was a mess. Her gaze went from the messy bun casually tied at the back of An Mu’s head, to her fair neck, then to her fragrant shoulder, narrow waist, and finally landed on…

Jian Yixi suddenly twisted her head away, her little heart pounding so hard it was about to leap out of her chest. She felt so strange, her breathing seemed to seize up. She suddenly felt that this duplex apartment was not big enough, the space so cramped that she couldn’t breathe.

What was happening to her?

An Mu didn’t notice Jian Yixi’s sudden, irregular acceleration of breathing. An Mu was thinking about the right time to properly lecture the silly girl who couldn’t distinguish between priorities.

For instance, which was more important: nearly twenty classes in two days, or celebrating a friend’s birthday?

Silly Yixi: Celebrating a friend’s birthday!

An Mu: Go stand in the corner.

Although she was very happy to see Jian Yixi, An Mu didn’t approve of her neglecting her studies to come to see her. She also didn’t quite understand why children cared so much about these superficial things.

Birthdays… they weren’t entirely forbidden, but they depended on the circumstances.

For example, when time was abundant or there was a social need, using a birthday as an opportunity to connect with people, even hosting a grand birthday banquet, was perfectly fine.

In fact, An Mu had attended many such banquets in her past life. To put it plainly, they were business events designed to facilitate the expansion of personal networks.

Whether it was for ordinary people to maintain friendships or for businesspeople to expand their contacts, the birthday celebration itself wasn’t really about the birthday.

If it were just about purely celebrating the day of one’s birth, one shouldn’t treat oneself, but should instead buy a gift for one’s mother.

After all, the day a child is born is a mother’s most painful day, and the beginning of her hard work and fatigue for the child.

This was something her university professor had said in her past life. At the time, she didn’t fully agree, as… Wen Qiaoyun really made it difficult for her to feel grateful.

But now, looking at An Mu’s mother, who cared for her in every detail, An Mu felt that the professor’s words made a lot of sense.

It was a pity that An Mu’s mother wasn’t the mother of her soul, and Wen Qiaoyun wasn’t the mother of her current body. She no longer had a mother.

However, Jian Yixi did. Although the day Jian Yixi was born wasn’t her adoptive mother’s most painful day, her adoptive mother had genuinely raised and loved her for over ten years and would continue to do so.

That mother, who should have been loving her, who should have been her mother, now belonged only to Jian Yixi.

Whether it was the late hour making her emotional or the slight amount of alcohol from the fruit wine softening her nerves, An Mu suddenly felt a little sad.

But she could still distinguish right from wrong.

She knew this wasn’t Jian Yixi’s fault. Jian Yixi was her, and even if she could no longer be in the same body as Jian Yixi, and couldn’t completely empathize with Jian Yixi’s feelings, Jian Yixi was still her, the former her. The adoptive parents loving Jian Yixi was the same as them loving herself.

If it weren’t for this unexpected rebirth, she would have long since died and turned into dust and sand. Every day she lived now was a bonus.

She didn’t resent Jian Yixi for taking the adoptive parents’ love, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t sad.

The hardest thing in the world to control is one’s own heart.

She had only intended to find a time to counsel Jian Yixi and tell her to prioritize her studies in the future, as Tsinghua University wasn’t easy to get into. However, her thoughts had drifted off track.

An Mu ultimately didn’t figure out when to speak, only deciding it must be before Jian Yixi left, as talking face-to-face was less likely to lead to misunderstandings.

She let Jian Yixi use the bathroom in her own room to shower, while she went to An Mu’s parents’ room; showering simultaneously saved time, as it was already late.

By the time everything was tidied, they were lying in bed, and the light was turned off, it was almost two o’clock.

“All right, tell me. Why do you think Chen Han’s character is bad?”

Jian Yixi was lying flat on her back. Compared to An Mu’s relaxed position of lying on her side with her arm outside the quilt, Jian Yixi was noticeably stiffer.

She didn’t dare glance toward An Mu. Although she had lived under the same roof every day before and had seen An Mu wearing a camisole nightgown, today felt especially awkward.

She remembered Chen Han talking about the “little apple” and saying something about “taking a bite.” Her chest felt a rush of blood, and a surge of nameless anger flared up. If she weren’t afraid of embarrassing An Mu, she would have refused to speak to Chen Han afterward.

Fortunately, Chen Han was somewhat tactful and had acted normally after that.

But was it appropriate for a nearly thirty-year-old woman to covet a girl who had just turned seventeen?

No matter how beautiful Chen Han was, she was like an old cucumber painted green. She could never achieve the tender charm of a teenager. Where did she get the nerve—the shameless effrontery—to act like an old cow trying to eat young grass?

“Chen Han is shameless!”

In a fit of pique, Jian Yixi blurted the words out.

An Mu found it amusing. This was the first time she had heard Jian Yixi use such simple and blunt language to evaluate someone, especially someone who had been kind to her.

“What did she do?”

“She likes…”

Jian Yixi clenched the corner of the quilt and quickly shut her mouth.

No way! She couldn’t be used as a pawn by Chen Han. An Mu clearly didn’t know Chen Han liked her. Chen Han herself didn’t dare say it and wanted to use her to kill with a borrowed knife… Pah! Did she think she could use a borrowed force to strike? Dream on!

Don’t think Jian Yixi didn’t know. Chen Han was being deliberately ambiguous today to use her to test An Mu.

The former Jian Yixi might not have understood, but An Mu had taught her so much—wouldn’t she be an idiot if she still couldn’t figure it out?

If she really spoke for Chen Han, on the off chance—even if it was one in ten thousand—that An Mu felt kindly toward Chen Han, wouldn’t Chen Han benefit?

Even if An Mu wasn’t interested in Chen Han, Chen Han could still throw all the blame onto her.

—I never said anything of the sort.

Jian Yixi had no doubt that Chen Han could lie like that without blinking an eye.

Who would believe it if she said it out loud?

An internationally renowned designer, a nearly thirty-year-old adult, was actually a compulsive liar?!

Hah… Chen Han was going to make her die of anger!

Whether it was during dinner, playing cards, or making wishes over the cake, all the seemingly pleasant harmony was actually a pretense.

Jian Yixi was restraining herself for An Mu, and Jian Yixi believed Chen Han was also restraining herself for An Mu.

Chen Han thought Jian Yixi also had inappropriate feelings for An Mu, so let her continue thinking that! Jian Yixi was stupid to have denied it. She should have gone along with it to make Chen Han give up quickly!

Words spoken were like water poured out—it was too late to take them back. Jian Yixi could only secretly decide that if Chen Han dared to come again tomorrow, she would speak up.

Who’s afraid of whom?

Kindness was kindness, and friendship was friendship. She would absolutely not sacrifice An Mu for the sake of an obligation.

In just two short seconds, a thousand thoughts passed through Jian Yixi’s mind. She lightly cleared her throat and changed the subject.

“I don’t know how to tell you, because even if Chen Han doesn’t act like a decent person, I must. It’s her private matter, so let’s skip the specifics. I’ll just give you a general summary.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

Sensing this would be a long explanation, An Mu changed her position and closed her eyes. She had been reading all day, and her eyes were truly sore.

“In short… Chen Han has fallen for a minor, and the person doesn’t accept her. So she’s trying every way to manipulate and scheme against them. She doesn’t stop to think that she’s almost thirty—she’s an old woman, yet she’s trying to get her hands on a fresh, tender teenage girl. Who gave her the shameless effrontery? What else would you call that but shameless?”

An Mu’s closed eyes opened.

“I’m saying she’s an old cow eating young grass, completely shameless!”

“Old cow? Young grass?”

“Yes, Chen Han is almost thirty, isn’t that an old cow? To use an inappropriate comparison, if Chen Han had married as early as some girls in Africa, her child could be in our class by now.”

An Mu turned over with a blank expression, facing away from Jian Yixi.

“I have to get up early for the exam tomorrow. Let’s talk about anything else after it’s over. I’m sleepy. Goodnight.”

Why did An Mu seem angry?

Did she say something wrong?

Did An Mu think she was disrespecting older women?

Heaven knew her heart. She really wasn’t being disrespectful; she was just purely targeting Chen Han!

Women of every age have a different kind of beauty, and all are worthy of praise and affection. She was just so mad at Chen Han that she… she had made a generalized statement. An Mu couldn’t really be angry, could she?

What should she do? Should she try to comfort her?

But how did one comfort someone? She had never comforted anyone in her life.

Should she check her phone… Google it?

But An Mu was already upset. If she looked at her phone now, would An Mu think she was playing on her phone? Would that make her even angrier?

An Mu wasn’t usually this petty.

What was going on today?

Was she really just sleepy and wanted to sleep? After all, she did have an exam tomorrow.

But no, An Mu wasn’t the type to end a conversation without finishing her thoughts. If she had been worried about the exam, she wouldn’t have brought Jian Yixi in for a chat in the first place.

So… An Mu was still angry?

Yet, she still didn’t quite understand. Wasn’t the main issue that Chen Han had bad character? Why was An Mu focused on whether Chen Han was an “old cow”?

An Mu’s father and mother seemed to have a very good relationship, so there was no issue of An Mu’s mother leaving An Mu’s father for a younger man. She hadn’t heard An Mu mention any family divorces either, so it probably wasn’t a case of defending a family member. So where exactly did An Mu’s displeasure come from?

She was only a teenager. Why was she worrying about being thirty?

An Mu’s mind was as deep as the ocean, and Jian Yixi couldn’t guess the reason even if she tried until her head hurt.

Forget it, no more guessing. Just comfort her—that’s the key.

During the previous Jinfang Road incident, An Mu was angry with her and wouldn’t open the door no matter how much Jian Yixi apologized. Jian Yixi had returned to her room, unable to sleep from sadness, and messaged Maomao. Maomao analyzed that apologies were useless. Women all had the same problem: while they said things like, ‘Why is it so hard for you to admit a mistake?’ what they really wanted was for the other person to comfort them. ‘I’m sorry’ was the least important line; attitude was everything.

In other words, comforting was the winning strategy.

But she had never comforted anyone before. She really didn’t know how!

After circling back through all her thoughts, the problem returned: should she take out her phone and ask Baidu (Google)?

No, if she accidentally led An Mu to misunderstand, wouldn’t that make it even harder to comfort her?

How to comfort her? How?

Jian Yixi fiddled with her fingers.

She couldn’t stall any longer. If she waited any more, An Mu would fall asleep.

Jian Yixi took a deep breath, slowly let it out, and scooted her little bottom closer and closer to An Mu, until they were almost touching… closer… still closer…

She couldn’t get any closer. She was already pressed against An Mu.

Jian Yixi secretly peeked at An Mu.

An Mu was lying on her side, her back to Jian Yixi, completely silent.

After thinking, Jian Yixi continued to move her little bottom, struggling to rotate ninety degrees in place, changing from lying flat on her back to lying on her side. Gathering her courage, she reached out her hand, rubbing and sliding it across the bedding from under her own quilt into An Mu’s quilt. Then, tracing An Mu’s waistline, it climbed up and over her side, reaching her lower abdomen, and hugged her through the thin silk nightgown.

This, too, was something Maomao had taught her during the Jinfang Road incident, even sending her a tutorial video.

Maomao said that if An Mu still wouldn’t forgive her, she should act like the unkillable cockroach man in the video, holding on tight no matter how much his girlfriend raged. The motto was: I was wrong, I’m sorry, please forgive me. If you’re still too angry, hit me. If you’re afraid your hand will hurt, pinch me. If you can’t pinch me hard enough, bite me. If you think I’m dirty, scratch me. Just vent your anger however you like—as long as you’re happy, my cuts and bruises are glorious!

Maomao also said that although one was a girlfriend and the other was a good friend, the difference was quite significant, but the essence of women was unchanging. If a boyfriend, whose family ranking was lower than the cat’s, could appease her, Jian Yixi, who was at least ranked higher than the cat, would surely be forgiven by An Mu.

Although Maomao’s ideas were always half-baked, Jian Yixi hadn’t adopted them then. But now was different. She rarely got to see An Mu, and it was An Mu’s birthday. She didn’t want An Mu to go to sleep upset, as that wouldn’t be good for her sleep quality.

Besides, An Mu wasn’t that angry this time. A little bit of coaxing should be enough.

She had successfully hugged An Mu, but Jian Yixi really couldn’t pull off the exaggerated performance from the video. Besides, that over-the-top acting was done to get views. If she did that in real life, An Mu would definitely think she was crazy.

Inhale. Exhale.

My name is not nervous.

The warmth of An Mu’s body seeped into her palm through the thin nightgown, feeling as if it were directly soaking into her blood vessels, running all the way to her heart, and wildly beating with her pulse.