Dating Myself - Chapter 48

Chen Han walked in, carrying the heavy cardboard box, and set it down with a thud. The box was already open. On top lay several bottles of fruit wine, while the groceries were all pressed underneath, with only a block of tofu placed in a corner where it wouldn’t be crushed.

“That’s so much. We definitely can’t cook all of it in two meals,” An Mu said.

Chen Han wiped the fine sweat from her forehead, changing into her slippers as she smiled. “Then we’ll make a few more meals. I don’t plan on leaving anyway.”

An Mu bent down to pick up the box of groceries. It really was heavy, and she was slightly out of breath just carrying it to the kitchen. Chen Han must have been quite tired carrying it all the way.

Chen Han first went to the restroom to wash her hands before entering the kitchen. Seeing Jian Yixi loudly chopping the chicken, she walked over and naturally took the knife from her hand.

“You’ve come all this way; you’re the guest. How can I let you cook? Go chat with An Mu. I’ll take care of this.”

The way she said it made it sound like she wasn’t a guest.

Jian Yixi held up her empty hands. Seeing Chen Han about to push her aside, she quickly reached for the cleaver again.

“Teacher Chen, the same goes for you. You’ve helped us so much; how can I let you work hard again? I’ll do it.”

“Why be so formal? An Mu and I have a relationship spanning so many years. It’s only right that I help her.”

“But… but I promised An Mu I would make the Chestnut Chicken for her.”

“Chestnut Chicken?”

“I actually don’t know how to make that. Alright, I’ll make something else. We can work together.”

The conversation, seemingly harmonious yet subtly strained, ended, and the two turned back almost simultaneously.

“Go study. We’ll call you when the food is ready.”

Although they didn’t speak in unison, the general meaning was the same.

An Mu looked at the bright-eyed Jian Yixi, then at the gently smiling Chen Han, mused for a moment, and found a new apron to hand to Chen Han.

“Then I’ll look forward to eating your delicious food.”

An Mu believed Jian Yixi could handle this social situation. She turned and genuinely went back to the study room to review; she still had two exams tomorrow.

Chen Han took the apron, put it on, and tied it. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Jian Yixi quickly stealing a glance at her. She was young after all, and her emotions were too transparent. The smile on her lips was impossible to suppress; the slight irritation from having the knife taken away seemed to vanish in the blink of an eye.

Chen Han, sharp-eyed, blinked her long lashes behind the gold-rimmed glasses. She looked down at the apron she was wearing, then at Jian Yixi’s apron, and her gaze finally settled on the beautifully tied bow behind Jian Yixi.

That bow could be tied either front-handed or back-handed. However, when tying it oneself back-handed, the two loops would be more casual. When someone else helped tie it front-handed, they had the time to adjust the loops, making them neat and angular, thus looking better.

Jian Yixi’s was very beautiful.

The chill in Chen Han’s eyes deepened by a couple of degrees. She took the fruit wine from the box and put it in the refrigerator, then started taking out the rest of the groceries, preparing them according to the planned menu.

“How are things at your school?”

“Very good, thank you, Teacher Chen. If it weren’t for you, this matter wouldn’t have blown over so quickly.”

“I told you not to be formal. Mu Mu’s business is my business.”

Mu Mu…

Jian Yixi stopped chopping the chicken, turning to look at Chen Han. The brief happiness she had felt because An Mu helped her tie her apron but not Chen Han’s instantly vanished.

“I still have to thank you. That’s a separate matter.”

Chen Han didn’t engage in unnecessary politeness. The rustle of the plastic bags mixed with her gentle voice as she asked, “Did you take time off specifically to come here?”

“It seems you two really have a good relationship. I’m happy that Mu Mu was able to make a new friend so quickly. Come again during summer vacation, and I’ll reimburse your travel expenses. Stay here when you come. I’ll cook delicious food for you every day. You can study together and go out to play. It’s all about balancing work and rest.”

The hand holding the knife paused again.

“Isn’t Teacher Chen busy with work? Can you keep running back and forth to China?”

“I plan to develop my career back here, so I’ll be staying in Beijing most of the time from now on.”

Develop her career back here? And live in Beijing long-term?!

Jian Yixi closed her eyes. She knew she shouldn’t overthink things, but she couldn’t quite control herself.

An Mu had repeatedly stressed that she and Chen Han did not have that kind of relationship. Could she not trust An Mu?

Yes, trust! If she couldn’t even trust An Mu, who else in this world was trustworthy?

Jian Yixi quickly convinced herself and continued chatting and laughing with Chen Han.

“That’s good, too. No matter how good a foreign country is, we’re still foreigners there. Even immigration can’t change how they view us. Home is the best place. My mom always says, ‘A gold nest and a silver nest are not as good as your own dog kennel.’ It’s a crude saying, but the meaning is true.”

Chen Han agreed: “That’s right. That’s what I think too. I was young and headstrong before, always thinking the moon was rounder abroad. In reality… my own country’s apples taste better.”

Apples?

Jian Yixi took it as a casual metaphor and didn’t pay it any mind, smiling in response: “Our own country’s Chestnut Chicken is delicious too.”

The kitchen wasn’t huge, but it certainly wasn’t small. Two or three people could easily move around. Jian Yixi and Chen Han kept to their own tasks, but neither their hands nor their mouths were idle; they chatted back and forth.

Chen Han was very articulate. She could talk about anything from various countries and industries to the trivial matters of school life, making it all sound interesting. As they spoke, they eventually touched upon the subject of Jian Yixi’s sister and Qin Yige dating early.

“Dating early isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What’s bad is when it interferes with studies or involves overly intimate behavior too soon. If it’s a relationship where they mutually encourage each other in studies and don’t cross boundaries, I actually think it’s a good thing. After all, student life is the purest. Relationships untainted by self-interest are more genuine and longer-lasting.”

“Besides, affection is the best motivation for learning. Something like striving to get into a top university for the person you love is more effective than any amount of nagging from teachers or parents.”

These words resonated deeply with Jian Yixi, and she nodded in strong agreement.

“Teacher Chen is insightful. Sometimes teachers and parents are just too over-dramatic.”

Chen Han was washing the sea cucumber with a rushing sound, asking as if casually, “What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Or a girlfriend?”

Jian Yixi was cutting the ginger she had successfully gotten from Chen Han and almost cut her finger.

“N-no.”

—They say France is a romantic and liberal country. It must be true. Who casually asks people if they have a same-sex partner?

Chen Han asked three questions related to relationships in a row. Jian Yixi’s heart fluttered, and she couldn’t help but ask, “Does Teacher Chen have someone she likes?”

“Yes.”

She does?!!!

Jian Yixi was overjoyed, though she wasn’t quite sure why.

“Then, what kind of person does Teacher Chen like?”

Chen Han’s slender fingers went into the dark body of the sea cucumber, rotating it as she cleaned it. The clear spectacle lenses reflected a cold, white light. Her low-bent figure was slender and supple. Along with the rushing sound of washing, her gentle voice spread out pleasantly.

“The person I like… is a stubborn yet lovable girl. When I first met her, she was less than thirteen years old, not tall, only up to my chest. She was a spoiled rich girl, both willful and temperamental, and very picky about food, so she was skinny.”

“It took me a great deal of effort to get her to gain some weight. She only loved my cooking and would come to my house for meals every few days. Occasionally, when I was too busy to look after her, she would sit on my doorstep with her backpack and wait for me, looking pitiful and making me feel guilty.”

“Later, I just gave her the key to my house. Then she started staying over even more often, and I would have to call her parents. Her parents trusted me completely. As long as I called, they would agree to let her stay the night.”

“Before she turned sixteen, she spent eight out of every ten days at my house.”

This… this sounded a little like An Mu?

Jian Yixi grew increasingly anxious the more she listened. She forced herself to remain calm and asked, “Then… did you two date?”

“Of course not. She confessed to me, and I rejected her. Her family trusted me so much, and I was her teacher in name. I couldn’t convince myself to accept her. And once we confirmed a relationship, simple hugs between us would become less simple. In a serious case, I could even be accused of a crime.”

Teacher in name…

Could it really be An Mu?

No, it couldn’t be. She must be overthinking. Even if she didn’t trust Chen Han, she had to trust An Mu. An Mu had just said she didn’t like anyone and emphasized that she only made up the story about liking someone to placate her. Chen Han must be talking about someone else.

Jian Yixi took a deep breath and continued to ask, “Then how are things between you two now?”

“We… how should I put it? She is still mad at me.”

“I can understand. I went too far. If I were her, I’d be angry too.”

“I was too simple and brutal in my rejection. I said she was just a little girl who hadn’t even finished developing, so what was she talking about dating? I also said I wasn’t interested in her at all, that I wouldn’t want her even if she threw herself at me, and I said many other hurtful things.”

Jian Yixi’s heart pounded violently. She tried hard not to connect these things to An Mu. Even though Chen Han’s words sounded more and more similar, she tried not to think it.

“That… that is indeed a bit hurtful.”

Splash!

Chen Han abruptly pressed both hands into the sea cucumber cleaning basin. The sudden action, accompanied by an echo, startled Jian Yixi.

“You’re wrong. It’s not ‘a bit,’ it’s extremely hurtful! If she didn’t love me, she would only feel anger and resentment and wouldn’t be deeply hurt. The more she loved me, the sharper my words were to her, and the deeper I hurt her.”

“Then… what happened later?”

“After cutting off the teacher-student relationship with her, I didn’t see her for a long time. I deliberately kept myself busy to avoid thinking about her, and I even consciously avoided any news about her.”

“I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back now, I hate myself.

“I clearly loved her but didn’t dare admit it. I clearly dared to stake my life that I would never touch her until she was an adult, yet I didn’t dare face the public’s scrutiny.”

“I was cowardly, incompetent, and selfish. I was afraid of being criticized, afraid of being falsely accused and imprisoned, afraid of my reputation being ruined, and afraid of the career I had worked so hard for being destroyed.”

Chen Han laughed while speaking, the smile desolate.

“It’s a shame that I’m an adult, a full eleven years older than her. Yet, I used hurting her to protect myself. I… really… lived all these years for nothing.”

Jian Yixi’s mind was a mess. Just like a person afraid of ghosts can’t stop imagining terrifying scenes, she couldn’t stop substituting An Mu for that girl.

She felt she should say something, as Chen Han had helped her, but she truly didn’t know what to say. She could only offer a clumsy comfort.

“You… you don’t have to be too hard on yourself. If you feel you were wrong, just apologize and try to minimize the damage.”

“You’re right. I’ve realized that my career and reputation aren’t as important as I thought they were. Now, all I want is her, and all I want is for her to forgive me.”

At this point, Chen Han suddenly changed the subject.

“You just said you were very grateful to me. Was that true?”

Jian Yixi retrieved the tomatoes soaking in hot water, absentmindedly peeling the skin.

Chen Han said: “I know one shouldn’t ask for repayment after giving a favor, and I’m not asking you to repay me. I am sincerely asking you, hoping you can help me.”

“Me? Help you?”

“Yes. Only you can help me.”

Jian Yixi looked up at Chen Han, a hint of shock in her expression.

“How can I help you, Teacher?”

“It’s like this: she’s living alone now, and her family isn’t around. I want to move in with her. At least I can cook for her and balance her nutrition. She’s about to enter her final year of high school, and her studies will become increasingly stressful. Without anyone to look after her, her health could easily break down. But she’s still angry at me, and I’m afraid she won’t agree. So, I hope you can help me persuade her.”

“Do I know her?”

“Yes. The girl I was talking about… is An Mu.”

An Mu!

It really was An Mu!!

Jian Yixi stared blankly at Chen Han, unable to utter a single word for a moment.

Chen Han’s slender, white fingers, dripping with water, took hold of Jian Yixi’s hand, which was covered in tomato juice.

The tomato juice was bright red, like blood. Chen Han’s voice was hoarse and bewitching.

“You… you’ll help me, won’t you?”