Dating Myself - Chapter 44

In the screen, Jian Yixi’s eyes were glistening with moisture, her skin looking exceptionally fair under the phone’s built-in filter, and her lips were a vibrant, tender red, like chilled crystal jelly. Compared to her usual plain appearance, she carried a different kind of charm.

Unfortunately, at this moment, neither An Mu nor Jian Yixi was in the mood to notice such details.

Jian Yixi widened her eyes slightly, thinking she had misheard.

An Mu said, “I’m transferring schools. It’s my parents’ decision. They feel my grades have dropped significantly compared to my time in France, mainly due to the differences in the curriculum between the two countries. They want me to transfer back to Beijing. Firstly, the educational resources are better there, and secondly, the extra-curricular tutoring classes are more suitable for me.”

An Mu’s voice was calm, but on the screen, Jian Yixi’s eyes visibly reddened.

“You… didn’t you say that what you say goes in your family? How… how come it suddenly doesn’t count anymore?”

“It’s not that it doesn’t count; it’s just that the Gaokao (National College Entrance Examination) is a big deal. Didn’t you also advise me not to give up my Beijing residency/hukou before? The logic is the same: transferring schools is more beneficial for me.”

Jian Yixi lowered her gaze, her curled, long lashes catching tears. She struggled to hold them back, not wanting An Mu to see them, and finally just flipped the phone face down onto the pillow.

“But didn’t we agree? To study hard together and both aim for Qingbei (Tsinghua and Peking Universities)? You even said that if you have the ability, it’s the same no matter where you take the exam, you even said…”

Jian Yixi was choked up, unable to control herself. The rest of her words were swallowed in tiny, gasping breaths as she desperately tried to conceal her sadness.

An Mu sighed softly: “I did say that, but the premise is having the ability. I’ve now been kicked out of the elite class, which shows that my ability is still insufficient. This is just a regular high school in a third-tier city. Scale that up to the entire Weicheng, then to the entire LinDong Province, and finally to the whole country—you can imagine what my level is.”

After a pause, seeing no reply from Jian Yixi, An Mu didn’t wait any longer and continued.

“It’s only a temporary separation of a year and a half, not very long. Our promise still stands. I’ll wait for you at Tsinghua; you absolutely must get in.”

Jian Yixi still didn’t reply, but the rustling sound of her breathing persisted. An Mu waited patiently. After a long time, Jian Yixi finally took a deep breath, and with a heavy nasal tone, she spoke, pretending to sound light-hearted.

“So, you’re saying this isn’t just your parents’ idea; it’s also your own decision?”

“Did you just decide it?”

“…Yes.”

“I knew it,” Jian Yixi swallowed, her voice hoarse with a heavy nasal tone. “If you had this idea earlier, you should have told me long ago. Saying it now means you must have thought it over carefully. As long as… as long as you’re not being forced by your family, then I can be at ease.”

“I’m not being forced, don’t worry.”

“Then we have a deal: see you at Tsinghua in a year and a half.”

Jian Yixi was upset, so after a couple more sentences, she pleaded tiredness and ended the video call.

No sooner had she hung up than a voice and video call from her childhood friend, Liang Sirui, popped up.

“What exactly are you doing?!”

There was a delay in the cross-border video, and the image was still frozen, but the voice had already burst through.

An Mu waited for the image to normalize before asking, “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t counter-question! Answer me first: What are you planning?!”

“I don’t even understand what you mean?”

“What does Chen Han’s Weibo post, the one she just put up, mean?”

“I haven’t seen it yet. What did she post?”

Liang Sirui rolled her eyes in frustration.

“Why do I bother being your best friend? One day you’ll either scare me to death or infuriate me to death!”

An Mu was about to exit WeChat and open Weibo, but Liang Sirui cut her off again: “Forget it, don’t bother looking. I’ll tell you. Chen Han just posted on Weibo saying, ‘I thought there was nothing left here for me to miss; I was wrong.’ Less than five minutes after that, she posted another one: ‘Tired bird returns to its nest; falling leaves return to their roots.’ What the hell does that mean?”

An Mu didn’t have such a strong reaction. She pondered for a moment and said, “She’s in her hometown now. Maybe she ran into someone or something that touched her, and she’s just sharing a general feeling.”

On the other side of the video, Liang Sirui was speechless, her mouth slightly open, as if she had frozen.

“In her hometown? That sentence itself is a lie.”

“At least she was there yesterday.”

“Yesterday… How do you know? Have you two been in contact?”

An Mu had the illusion of being subjected to a rapid-fire interrogation by a wife.

She couldn’t help but smile and lower her eyes: “You don’t need to be so stressed. She only called me the day she came back, then phone greetings on Chinese New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Yesterday’s call was a pocket dial. We hung up after only a couple of sentences.”

“Pocket dial?” Liang Sirui scoffed. “And you believe that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? She only said three things: ‘Sorry, I pressed the wrong button by accident. I’m in my hometown and feel empty, so I’m just playing with my phone. What are you doing? Sorry for disturbing you. Goodnight.'”

Liang Sirui’s snicker increased by several decibels.

“I bet you told her you were about to go to sleep or were already asleep, or something like that. Unless it’s a real emergency, anyone with an ounce of manners wouldn’t feel right continuing to disturb you, right?”

Undeniably, Liang Sirui had guessed correctly. When Chen Han called last night, it was nearly twelve o’clock. An Mu was indeed about to turn off her phone and go to sleep and had told Chen Han as much.

Liang Sirui added, “She just posted that Weibo an hour ago, and the accompanying picture… tsk, if you say she has no ulterior motive toward you, I’ll beat you up! Go look at her Weibo yourself. If you can’t spot the ‘highlight,’ consider me defeated!”

She had just told her not to look, and now she was explicitly telling her to look…

Ultimately, Liang Sirui was still a sixteen or seventeen-year-old girl, prone to mood swings, sometimes like wind, sometimes like rain.

An Mu opened Chen Han’s Weibo and immediately saw the latest post. The content was exactly what Liang Sirui had said, and the accompanying picture was a night view taken from behind a large, floor-to-ceiling window.

The night scene was beautifully photographed: tall buildings, thousands of lights, car lights on the distant interchange bridge strung together like jewels. The stars and moon in the night sky mirrored them, as if heaven and earth were one, with the Milky Way flowing down.

At first glance, the photo was indeed a night scene, but looking closer, the dark window glass reflected the layout of the hotel room: a round glass coffee table, a thin slate-gray sofa chair, and a corner of a white bedsheet peeking out… The objects further away were captured clearly, but Chen Han’s silhouette, holding the phone closest to the glass, was relatively dark, only a clear outline faintly visible.

An Mu stared at it for a moment, and regrettably, she couldn’t figure out the ‘highlight.’

She had just opened her mouth to say one word when Liang Sirui interrupted: “Don’t you dare tell me you didn’t see it!”

“I genuinely didn’t see it.”

“Ha…” Liang Sirui threw her head back in a long sigh, feeling like a mother who had worried herself sick. “Are you stupid? Didn’t you see that the focus of that picture is your house?!”

An Mu’s house?

Only then did An Mu identify the central focus of the photo by discerning the direction of the interchange bridge.

It really was An Mu’s housing complex.

An Mu couldn’t be blamed for not recognizing it immediately. This was An Mu’s home, not hers. In her previous life, she lived in the East City District, and her company was in the opposite direction. Although she had been in this area in her previous life and was familiar with it—at least recognizing it as Beijing—she hadn’t reached the point where she could immediately identify An Mu’s complex just by looking at two aerial night-view photos.

As for why Liang Sirui, who had only stayed at An Mu’s house two or three times, could figure it out? It was simple: a suspicious neighbor steals an axe. She suspected Chen Han’s intentions from the very start, scrutinizing the image with a ‘microscope’ to find a clue. It wasn’t strange that she discovered it.

“I’m telling you, I compared it with the satellite imagery map for over half an hour before I confirmed it! There’s absolutely no mistake! She posted that Weibo specifically for you to see!”

This was indeed too much of a coincidence. An Mu didn’t deny it but wasn’t worried either.

“She said she would ask me to meet up before she left. Maybe she chose a hotel close to my home for convenience.”

Liang Sirui rubbed her Jingming acupoints (a point around the eye) on her face. “I don’t care if it was intentional or unintentional or for convenience or whatever. The point is, she deliberately wrote it for you to see! You need to be more careful and not let her copy you or steal your ideas again!”

An Mu walked to the window with her phone, drew back the curtain, and looked out at the night view of the capital, which looked like the Milky Way had mistakenly fallen into the mundane world. She could vaguely see the hotel Chen Han was staying at. Looking across the air, it didn’t seem far, but it was still a bit of a distance to walk.

She stated calmly, “I won’t be doing fashion design anymore. You don’t need to worry about that.”

Liang Sirui knew An Mu had switched to finance, but she still couldn’t help saying, “Do you know that you’re making it easy for people to misunderstand that you gave it up because of her? After all, you used to be so obsessed with design. I’m not afraid of anything right now; I’m only afraid she won’t give up and will keep trying to hook up with you. If, by some chance, she cons you out of your creativity again and you can’t take it and commit suicide again, I think I might actually be infuriated to death by you!”

“Don’t worry. I have no artistic sense whatsoever now. If she truly has an ulterior motive, she’s likely going to be busy for nothing.”

Liang Sirui muttered, “How can a person lose all their talent just by losing their memory? You’re only fooling yourself with that.”

An Mu felt helpless. “I’ve already chosen finance. Can’t you give me some trust?”

Liang Sirui touched her chin. “Well, if what you say is true, that actually sounds kind of great. Imagine her working so hard, being all attentive and trying to be charming, only to gain nothing. Tsk tsk, okay then! Let her draw water with a bamboo basket! Let’s get proper revenge on her!”

“I’m not doing this for revenge. Besides, she only posted two Weibo messages; it doesn’t mean anything.”

“That’s true. She’s just talking the talk, pretending to be an artsy young woman. In reality, doesn’t she still have to go back to France? That’s her home base! As for ‘tired bird returns to its nest, falling leaves return to their roots’—if she was really willing to give up her flourishing career abroad and return to build up her motherland, I’d actually respect her more.”

After a pause, Liang Sirui’s eyes lit up. She leaned closer to the phone and continued, “I’m telling you, An Mu, if she doesn’t mention it, forget it. But if she dares bring up that Weibo, you should confront her! Just say, ‘If you want to come back, then come back. Don’t be reluctant to leave the foreign scenery behind. Fame and fortune are fleeting clouds; the most important thing is happiness!’ If she doesn’t come back, she’ll completely eat her words!”

The soul of the twenty-eight-year-old An Mu felt an involuntary need to shake her head whenever she interacted with these sixteen- and seventeen-year-old girls.

“You’re the one who said I should break off all contact with her, and you’re also the one who told me to get revenge. So, do you want me to contact her, not contact her, or something in between?”

“Oh, well…” Liang Sirui immediately moved her phone eight feet away. “This situation… we call it dealing with issues as they arise! Anyway, we can’t completely cut ties right away, so what’s the harm in confronting her? I love watching people get slapped down! Even if I can’t see it, it would be great to hear you tell me about it!”

Before she finished speaking, buzz-buzz. The phone rang. Chen Han’s call popped up.

An Mu immediately took a screenshot and sent it to Liang Sirui.

“Do I answer… or not?”

“Answer! Answer! Answer! Hurry up! I’m just going downstairs to grab dinner. I’ll find you after I eat. You absolutely must stand firm and put her to shame so badly that she won’t dare look for you again for the rest of her life!”

She hung up Liang Sirui’s video call and answered Chen Han’s call. An Mu felt the back of her phone was still burning hot.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday. I woke you up when you were sleeping.”

“No, I was just about to sleep, not sleeping yet. I turn my phone off when I sleep.”

—Except for Chinese New Year’s Eve, when Jian Yixi specifically asked her not to turn it off so she could be the first to call and wish her a happy new year, An Mu always turned it off at other times.

“I know. I’ve called a few times, and your phone was off.”

Calling in the middle of the night either means something urgent or an extremely close relationship.

Chen Han’s words were truly too intimate. Psychologically, An Mu disliked it, but physically, she felt no discomfort. This wasn’t the first time. An Mu had already realized that her body was extremely tolerant when facing Chen Han.

For example, the hug at the airport last time: anyone else’s closeness, except for Maomao and Jian Yixi, would make her uncomfortable, including An Mu’s own parents and aunt. Chen Han was the only exception.

This was also the main reason why An Mu remained relatively unconcerned despite Liang Sirui repeatedly stressing that Chen Han was a bad person.

Because An Mu’s body genuinely didn’t dislike Chen Han, which indirectly suggested that An Mu’s suicide might not have been because of Chen Han. Everything Liang Sirui told her was speculation. How much of it was true was something even An Mu’s parents couldn’t definitively say, let alone An Mu, who knew nothing.

An Mu wouldn’t deliberately reject someone who had helped her without knowing the full truth, but that didn’t mean she liked this excessive intimacy.

“Teacher Chen, haven’t you adjusted your time difference yet?”

Calling her just “Teacher” was already distant, and adding the surname made the distance even more pronounced. An Mu subtly created a distance without showing any emotion.

Chen Han was clearly not an emotionally obtuse person to have reached her current standing. She chuckled lightly and said, “Can we discuss something?”

“Please go ahead, Teacher.”

“Could you stop calling me ‘Teacher’ from now on? Unless… you’re willing to be my student again. Part-time studying is fine; it won’t interfere with your finance studies.”

The skill in that statement was brilliant; An Mu gave it full marks. No matter which option she chose, Chen Han would be pleased.

After a moment’s pause, with An Mu not replying, Chen Han continued: “Alright, don’t feel troubled. I’m not forcing you to study fashion design again. Just call me Sister Han from now on. You used to call me that, and I’m accustomed to hearing it.”

It was just a title. Her eldest uncle’s son was only twenty-one, and she called him ‘brother,’ let alone Chen Han, who was twenty-seven or twenty-eight.

“Sister Han.”

“That sounds much better.” On the other end of the line, Chen Han’s faint chuckle carried a hint of hoarseness. “I’m a little tired.”

“Then you should get some rest soon.”

“I’m not talking about that kind of tired. I mean… I’ve been wandering abroad for too long, like a rootless water plant. It seems I own the entire pond, but one storm and I’ll be washed ashore, where I’ll dry up and die.”

This indeed echoed Liang Sirui’s guess, but An Mu had no intention of encouraging her to return to China.

“What is ‘wandering’? If you feel the place you are in is not your home, then it’s wandering. But if you recognize it as your home, you’re not a rootless water plant; you’re a water lily, with its white lotus root buried deep in the pond.”

“What you said… makes sense. It reminds me of your classmate, Jian Yixi. The Jian family should have been her home, but it was a living hell to her. Instead, her adoptive parents’ house is her real home.”

“That’s correct.”

The sound of bedding rustling came from the other side; Chen Han seemed to have laid down on the bed.

“If I say I want to return to China, what’s your take on it?”

“I’m just a teenage girl. What do I know?”

“Let’s pretend you don’t know anything. Just tell me your opinion. It’s very important to me.”

If she hadn’t said “important,” An Mu might have discussed the pros and cons with her, but the more “important” it was, the less An Mu felt comfortable speaking on it.

An Mu went back to her bed, sat down, leaned against the headboard under the covers, and replied in the tone a sixteen- or seventeen-year-old girl should have.

“I think… happiness is the most important thing. If you’re happy in France, stay in France. If you’d be happy returning to China, then come back.”

“What about you?” Chen Han suddenly asked.

“Me? What about me?”

“Your parents’ business is all in France. Will you go back to France?”

“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. But it has nothing to do with business; it just depends on my mood at the time.”

That was absolutely true. An Mu wanted to travel the world and see all the scenery she’d never gotten to see in her previous life.

“I mean, do you plan to be based permanently in China or abroad?”

—China.

“I’m not sure yet. Who knows what the future holds?”

About three seconds passed after her insincere reply before Chen Han chuckled, her tone ambiguous.

“You’re still the same as before. Every time you lie, it’s full of holes.”

“I’m not lying. I genuinely don’t know.”

“Then why did you come back to China for university? The top finance school should be Harvard, right? Or Cambridge or Oxford? Why didn’t you choose any of them? Are you genuinely interested in finance, or are you trying to escape?”

The conversation had reached a point where it was subtly fracturing. Before An Mu could speak, Chen Han suddenly said, “I’m sorry, I still haven’t adjusted my time difference after all. I’ve been talking nonsense. Don’t worry about it.”

Both of them knew whether or not it was nonsense.

“Sister Han, you should really get some rest. Sleep is very important.”

“I agree. I’ll be sleeping right away.”

Just as she was about to hang up, Chen Han suddenly added, “Oh, by the way, I booked a flight for the ninth day of the lunar new year. See if you’re free tomorrow or the day after. I’d like to treat you to a meal, and I’d also like to ask you to go shopping with me. I don’t really have any acquaintances in Beijing—only you.”

“Then… let’s do the eighth day.”

“Alright. I’ll pick you up at nine in the morning. Can you get up?”

“I can get up.”

After hanging up Chen Han’s call, the phone was so hot it could warm a hand.

Chen Han definitely suspected she was faking her amnesia, but it didn’t matter. She was leaving soon anyway. And even if Chen Han was convinced she was pretending, Chen Han couldn’t do anything to her. An Mu genuinely had no interest or talent in fashion design. Whatever Chen Han was plotting was bound to fail.

An Mu subconsciously wanted to turn off her phone and go to sleep, but her finger moved to the power button and then away.

It was only five or six in France. Liang Sirui had said she would contact her again after dinner. If she turned off her phone, she would undoubtedly be nagged by her tomorrow.

[SmokeRainBoat]: I’m going to sleep.

[FlowerHeartHidesPistil]: Don’t! You haven’t reported back yet!

[SmokeRainBoat]: Nothing to report. Her flight is on the ninth.

[FlowerHeartHidesPistil]: She didn’t say anything about wanting to return to China to develop her career?

Telling the truth would only lead the conversation spiraling out of control, so An Mu chose to… change the subject.

[SmokeRainBoat]: She said I shouldn’t call her ‘Teacher’ and that I used to call her ‘Sister Han.’

After three consecutive, identical messages of speechless dots, a video call suddenly popped up!

An Mu reluctantly answered, continuing to endure the phone’s heat.

“Don’t listen to her nonsense! You always called her ‘Teacher’! Wait and see!!”

After a moment, Liang Sirui sent a few chat screenshots. They were all chats between An Mu and Liang Sirui from An Mu’s life before, with different timestamps, ranging from three years ago to six months ago. An Mu had indeed consistently referred to Chen Han as Teacher.

This Chen Han… truly was suspicious.

An Mu’s casual attempt to change the subject had essentially opened a can of worms. Her hope of sleeping early was gone. Liang Sirui launched into another round of fierce criticism, so angry that she threw away the half-eaten plate of spaghetti.

“Since that spring fashion show last time, it’s been over half a year, and she hasn’t held another show or been reported to have designed any new works. Even if she missed the summer and autumn shows, she should have a winter one, right? She still doesn’t! She’s clearly hit a creative wall, unable to design good work, and now she’s resorting to sneaky tricks! In my opinion, she absolutely wants to continue copying you!”

Seeing that Liang Sirui was finally tired of criticizing, An Mu interjected: “Let her be. I’m not going to design anything anymore anyway.”

Liang Sirui sighed, “I say it’s for the best, but I don’t really think that way. That was something you loved and were best at. It’s a shame you let it go just because of her.”

No amount of explanation could erase the impression of a design genius that the original An Mu had left on everyone. An Mu didn’t waste any more words, stating calmly, “Happiness is the most important thing.”

Liang Sirui nodded. “I wholeheartedly agree with that. Alright, she’s leaving soon anyway. Just slowly stop paying attention to her from now on. She’ll give up eventually.”

Finally, the video call ended. The phone battery was low and gave a warning.

An Mu turned off the phone and took it to the desk to charge. Safety lay far away from the bed. Only then did she turn off the light and go to sleep.

The next day, the seventh day of the lunar new year, was the day An Mu’s mother returned to France. An Mu’s father had already returned on the third day. An Mu’s mother had stayed a few extra days to spend more time with An Mu’s maternal grandmother.

An Mu had originally planned to go to the airport to see her off, but her mother, having personally witnessed An Mu’s daily routine of waking up at seven to practice problems, and her dedication to studying without leaving the house except for meals, was quite relieved and told her to stay home and study hard, without needing to see her off. Ultimately, however, her aunt still dragged her along.

Her aunt said, “Once she leaves, it will be half a year, maybe even a year. If you don’t see her off, you’ll definitely regret it later.”

An Mu might not regret not seeing her biological mother off, but if it had been her adoptive parents, she definitely would have regretted it.

Putting herself in their shoes, An Mu still went to the airport.

An Mu’s mother genuinely loved An Mu, just like all parents, proudly wanting the whole world to know about every little thing her child did.

An Mu’s mother’s social media feed was full of boasts: either showing off her daughter’s excellent score of over 600 after only half a year back in China, or bragging about how her daughter’s keen eye had led to a surge in a few US stocks she’d recommended to her father. Eight out of ten posts were about An Mu.

An Mu’s mother had a flight at ten something, so she had to get up at six to first say a final goodbye to Grandpa An at her eldest uncle’s house, then have a simple meal, and rush to the airport just in time.

An Mu left the house and realized she had forgotten her phone on her desk. She was already downstairs, and she could go back, but her aunt and the others were waiting. Going up and down would take a few minutes. An Mu hesitated and didn’t go back.

After seeing off her mother and returning, the whole family went back to the eldest uncle’s house. The nanny had already prepared a lavish lunch.

It was three in the afternoon by the time they finished this late lunch. An Mu then hitched a ride home with her aunt.

The first thing An Mu did when she got home was wash up. After spending so long in the car, her face felt greasy.

After washing up, she remembered the phone on her desk. She poured a glass of water, sipped it, and sat down at the desk to pick up her phone.

The phone booted up smoothly and entered the desktop in a few seconds. Dozens of WeChat messages immediately popped up.

[Meng Xibitan]: It’s almost ten o’clock. Haven’t you gotten up yet? It keeps saying your phone is off.

[Meng Xibitan]: I promised you I wouldn’t hide anything from you anymore, so I won’t. I couldn’t help myself and told Maomao about your transfer last night. Maomao said that if you truly wanted to stay in Weicheng, your family couldn’t force you to leave, especially since they agreed to let you come back to China for school. And your grades aren’t bad. The only reason you’re insisting on leaving is because I hurt your heart.

[Meng Xibitan]: I don’t know if she’s right or not. I couldn’t sleep all last night thinking about it. My head is throbbing now, but even though I’m tired from being up all night, I have no desire to sleep.

[Meng Xibitan]: It’s almost twelve o’clock. Are you still not up? I’m a little scared. You’re not deliberately avoiding me, are you?

[Meng Xibitan]: I just ate lunch and told my mom I was taking a nap. I’m under the covers now, but I still can’t sleep. An Mu, please turn on your phone. Even a punctuation mark back would be fine.

[Meng Xibitan]: It’s two-thirty. You still haven’t turned on your phone. I just chatted with Maomao again. She said you definitely like me, and that my willingness to pretend to be a couple with her just to make you give up completely hurt you. Now that I think about it, I realize I was quite awful. I only thought about being friends with you for life and never considered whether you wanted that…

[Meng Xibitan]: I’m sorry…

[Meng Xibitan]: Actually… if you really can’t see me as just a friend… we don’t have to be friends.

[Meng Xibitan]: What I mean is… I’m willing to ‘bend’ for you.

[Meng Xibitan]: You must think I’m joking and haven’t woken up yet. I’ve been seriously thinking about this all night and all morning until now. I’m not just saying it casually.

[Meng Xibitan]: Of course, I’m not saying this to force you to come back to Weicheng. I just want to say… if you’re unwilling to return to Weicheng because I hurt you, I apologize, and I’m willing to make amends in any way I can.

[Meng Xibitan]: No, what did I just say?! I don’t mean that I’m willing to bend for you just to compensate you. It’s… it’s… I don’t know how to say it. I’m just suddenly very scared. I’m afraid a year and a half is too long, and you’ve already started ignoring me after just one night. I don’t know if the next hundreds of days and nights will be like this.