Dating Myself - Chapter 42

Jian Yixi’s sounds of apology were clearly audible through the thin door panel.

An Mu wearily walked to the bed and sat down. The morning sunlight streamed through the window; the curtains, which had been opened yesterday noon, had naturally been left open all night as she hadn’t returned.

She had watched the live stream replay and knew that when she called, Jian Yixi was live-streaming and couldn’t answer, while Maomao was afraid of exposing their plan and didn’t dare to answer.

Maomao had said they tried to call her back afterward, but several attempts failed because her phone was off.

They were getting a bit anxious then, afraid she was genuinely angry, and were ready to back out. However, before they could leave, the Committee Chair burst in with his group.

After that, the phones weren’t in their hands, so of course, no one could get through.

An Mu understood that Jian Yixi was both her and not her. From the moment she was reborn, Jian Yixi became an independent person, no longer on the same trajectory as her. She had no right to interfere with Jian Yixi.

Her repeated phone calls were bordering on the neurotic.

Yet, at the time, she simply couldn’t control herself, and even now, she couldn’t master her emotions.

She dared not imagine the consequences of failure.

She couldn’t stop the urge to rush out, grab Jian Yixi, and beat her severely to teach her a lasting lesson!

It had been a long time since she had felt such an uncontrollable emotion.

She disliked this feeling.

She needed to calm down and thoroughly think through everything that had happened since her rebirth.

Her relationship with Jian Yixi was unequal, and it was developing in an increasingly unbalanced direction.

Jian Yixi was afraid of losing her—her so-called friend—even going so far as to put on an act with Maomao.

And her own feelings…

Jian Yixi thought she was good to her, was grateful, willing to listen to anything she said, and trusted her wholeheartedly. But what was the reality? Was she truly good to Jian Yixi?

She guided Jian Yixi because she hoped Jian Yixi could grow up quickly and protect her foster parents well.

She cared for Jian Yixi as a way to compensate for the regret of failing to take care of herself in her past life.

Everything she did for Jian Yixi was rooted in her own self-interest, never purely for Jian Yixi herself.

She was not good to Jian Yixi; she could hardly even be called her friend.

Her feelings for Jian Yixi were more about control. She wanted Jian Yixi to develop in the direction she had envisioned, to mature quickly, and to stand on her own two feet.

But she had forgotten that Jian Yixi was only sixteen years old. She couldn’t demand that she meet the standards of a twenty-eight-year-old.

What Jian Yixi did last night was indeed ill-considered, but ultimately, it was also the result of her own guidance.

She desperately wanted Jian Yixi to mature, and Jian Yixi, influenced by her, desperately wanted to prove herself, like a child who worked hard to score a hundred points and wished for the teacher’s praise.

As the “teacher,” she should have praised Jian Yixi for what she got right and then cautioned her about what she got wrong. That would have been the correct response.

She understood everything but couldn’t execute it.

She was currently unable to state her point of view calmly. If she went out now, the most likely thing she would say would be: Don’t you have a brain?! Did you think about the consequences before you did this?!

In fact, what she would say would be harsher and more unpleasant, and she might even be unable to stop herself from hitting her.

She had a tendency toward violence, usually losing control when her emotions ran high. Though it wasn’t severe and had been somewhat managed by a doctor in her past life, it hadn’t flared up in this lifetime. She couldn’t guarantee it wouldn’t happen now.

An Mu lay down and pulled the blanket over herself. Jian Yixi’s apology, laced with sobs, made her even more agitated.

She covered her head, closed her eyes, and tried to relax her breathing and calm her emotions.

She really needed to sort out her thoughts, properly.

This was no longer just Jian Yixi’s problem; she herself was also developing issues.

Lulled by the sounds of apology, An Mu unknowingly fell asleep. When she opened her eyes again, the window had darkened. The streetlights weren’t on yet, only the pale, lonely lights from a few homes in the building across the way.

An Mu gazed blankly at the window for a while, then got out of bed.

When she opened the door and stepped out, there was no one there. She glanced at Jian Yixi’s door next door; it was tightly shut.

Yawning, she entered the bathroom. Whether it was the discomfort of her disrupted circadian rhythm or the exhaustion after prolonged nervous tension, despite sleeping for so long, she still felt unwell.

After washing up, she looked up. Jian Yixi’s door was open, though she didn’t know when it happened. Jian Yixi was hunched behind the door. Her ponytail drooped loosely at the back of her head, obviously forgotten before she slept, and her loose hair was a mess. Her eyes were red, swollen, ugly, and puffy. She looked like a road that had just survived a heavy downpour, utterly ravaged from head to toe.

Jian Yixi looked at her pitifully, wanting to approach but not daring to. Her eyes followed An Mu wherever she went.

An Mu walked to the sofa and sat down, taking out her phone to order takeout.

Her and Jian Yixi’s tastes were basically the same, so she didn’t need to ask and just ordered the food.

After ordering and turning off her phone, she finally looked up at Jian Yixi.

“Come here.”

Jian Yixi looked relieved, quickly opened the door, and timidly walked to the sofa like a little wife, cautiously sitting down.

“Do you know what you did wrong?”

“I know. I shouldn’t have taken matters into my own hands. I should have reported it to you beforehand.”

An Mu got up, poured a cup of water, and handed it to her, then poured a cup for herself.

“Your mistake was abandoning your principles.”

Jian Yixi held the water cup, looked up at her, her swollen eyes both exasperating and a little amusing.

“Me? Abandoning my principles? What principles?”

“The principle of safety first.”

Jian Yixi slightly widened her eyes, finally understanding.

“I originally thought…”

“When you lack the ability to correctly assess a situation, the first thing you must do is prepare for the worst-case scenario, not make assumptions.”

Jian Yixi, interrupted, silently lowered her head.

An Mu continued, “Even if you’ve never eaten pork, you’ve seen a pig run, right? How many melodramatic yet realistic incidents are there in the news? Rape, murder, trafficking, organ theft… there are too many. The first thing you should consider is whether you might encounter the most terrifying kind of situation.

Nothing is worth taking such a big risk for.

It’s not just about exposing Jian Yihu; it’s true for everything.

I’m not saying you can take a slightly smaller risk either. You have to consider the reward you stand to gain.

When the risk you take and the reward you get are severely disproportionate, there is absolutely no need to take that risk.

It’s like investing in a high-risk fund but only getting the returns of a basic money market account. You tell me, is it worth it?”

Jian Yixi bit her lip and stared at the water cup, not drinking. Her lips were so dry they were peeling.

An Mu reached out and nudged her cup. She froze, then slowly took a sip.

An Mu added, “In short, remember one thing: no matter what you do, the first priority is ensuring your own safety, and the second is the goal you want to achieve. Under no circumstances should you be driven by quick success.”

Jian Yixi moistened her lips and stared at the water cup. Thinking of something, her voice suddenly became choked.

“Where there is life, there is hope… I won’t dare to do it again.”

With that, she took another sip.

“I really know I was wrong, An Mu.”

An Mu sighed slightly, reached out, and untied her messy ponytail. Her long, black hair fell over her shoulders, dark like the profound night outside the window. But while the night had neon lights for color, Jian Yixi only had a tragically pale little face.

“I ordered chicken with chestnuts and fish-flavored eggplant, and a bowl of borscht. It should arrive soon.”

At this simple statement, the water cup Jian Yixi had just moved from her lips was immediately brought back. She tilted her head and gulped the water down in one breath. In her haste, she choked and began coughing uncontrollably.

An Mu quickly reached over to pat her back.

“Slow down. No one is going to steal it from you.”

As Jian Yixi coughed, the sound gradually changed tone. Her body shrank smaller and smaller. Clutching the empty cup and hugging her arms, tears fell like rain.

“I’m sorry, An Mu… I’m sorry… I am really, truly sorry…”

The soft, muffled sobs and sincere apologies, like continuous light rain, soaked An Mu’s troubled heart.

Perhaps it was time to step back for a while.

Jian Yixi needed time to adjust, and so did she.

An Mu reached out, put her arm around Jian Yixi’s narrow shoulders, and pulled her into a hug. She rubbed her chin against Jian Yixi’s dark hair. Her beautiful eyes were half-closed, and her voice was a rare gentle tone.

“Why are you crying all of a sudden? Don’t tell me you’re thinking that my concern, even if late, is still concern?”

The soft body in her arms slightly stiffened.

An Mu couldn’t help but laugh.

“It is? You’re too easy to appease.”

“Why are you appeasing me? I did something wrong. I should be the one to appease you.”

A thick nasal tone reached An Mu’s ear. Perhaps relaxing completely in her embrace, it carried a unique delicate charm. An Mu had never realized she could elicit such a sound. For a moment, there was a hazy, unreal feeling.

“Hurry up and wash up. I won’t wait for you when the food arrives.”

After the meal, Jian Yixi was back to her lively self, though her eyes were still swollen. She took the opportunity to do another live stream, providing an explanation to the audience about last night’s events.

The live stream was a great success, not only because her swollen eyes clearly showed she had cried a lot, but mainly due to the explosive news #JianYihu’sSisterNarrowlyEscapesGangRape# driving traffic.

Jian Yihu’s case had only recently been settled, and now such a massive problem had arisen, featuring the most attention-grabbing element of gang-rape. It was no surprise that Jian Yixi’s live stream went viral.

Jian Yixi hadn’t originally intended to become famous through this and didn’t care about her image. She just threw on a coat and started streaming, without makeup. She even deliberately thrust her swollen eyes toward the camera, fearing netizens wouldn’t see them clearly.

Other female streamers would be maxing out their beauty filters and face slimming features and painting on beautiful makeup. Only she… stood out uniquely.

In fairness, her natural looks were not as immediately striking as Jian Yihu’s meticulously crafted public image. However, after seeing so many beauty filters, her authentic, down-to-earth image as a pure student made her more likable.

Jian Yixi first thanked the netizens who called the police for her, then thanked everyone who cared about her. She briefly recounted the subsequent developments. Her sadness over being treated this way by her own sister needed no elaboration; the swollen eyes said it all.

The police investigation was quickly concluded, and the truth was largely as predicted.

It was the Committee Chair who first proactively contacted Jian Yihu, expressing his unwavering loyalty regardless of what happened.

Jian Yihu then took the opportunity to order the Committee Chair to monitor Jian Yixi and look for a chance to take revenge.

After the exam that day, the Committee Chair followed them and overheard them discussing the online date meetup. He immediately reported the news to Jian Yihu.

Following Jian Yihu’s instructions, the Committee Chair first found Wang Shiwen, who had a crush on him, and had Wang Shiwen contact Maomao. Wang Shiwen tricked Jian Yixi and Maomao into the foot massage parlor under the pretense of a voucher.

The Committee Chair chose the foot massage parlor because: one, the owner was timid, greedy, and easily bribed to keep quiet; and two, the Committee Chair dared not do this in his family’s KTV, fearing his family would discover and stop him.

The thugs the Committee Chair recruited were a few years older than him and regularly hung out together. They were truly depraved. They immediately agreed to help upon hearing the plan, believing that rape was the safest option. Once a video was filmed, even the most unwilling victims would be compliant, and they could use it for continued blackmail and gratification.

No one expected the plan to fall apart from the very beginning.

All suspects had been apprehended. While the Committee Chair and Jian Yihu might receive lighter sentences because they were minors, the others, although the crime was not completed, had clearly articulated the intent of gang-rape, meaning their sentencing would surely be heavier than that for attempted rape. Prison time was inevitable.

With the New Year approaching, the trial wouldn’t be concluded before the holiday, but Jian Yihu was definitely not going home for the New Year.

Because of Jian Yihu, Wen Qiaoyun deliberately sought out Jian Yixi once. Playing the “family” card, she hoped Jian Yixi would testify in court that the whole thing was just a joke, so Jian Yihu wouldn’t have to go to jail.

Jian Yixi only replied with one sentence: “Don’t you think that request itself is a joke?”

Wen Qiaoyun was enraged, screaming that if Jian Yixi wouldn’t let her have a peaceful New Year, she wouldn’t let Jian Yixi have one either.

Jian Yixi immediately called the police on the spot. Although the emergency line didn’t hear Wen Qiaoyun’s shouting, a report was filed.

“If anything happens to my parents, you will be the prime suspect. There’s a police report on file now. Think carefully before you act, or you might shoot yourself in the foot. In the end, the Jian family will truly have no one left.”

In the blink of an eye, it was time to receive report cards.

Jian Yixi ranked third in the whole school, easily making it into the Elite Class One. Maomao ranked over 200th, average for the grade. The regular classes would no longer be organized by rank and would be mixed and redivided at the start of the next semester.

An Mu ranked…

Jian Yixi’s eyes widened slightly. She turned to look at An Mu, who was looking up at the results in the crowd.

It was a rare sunny day, the winter sun high, but the wind was still chilling. An Mu wore her thin uniform, her slender neck arching into an elegant curve. A few strands of slightly curled long hair framed her ivory-white jawline. She stood squeezed in the noisy crowd, her red lips lightly pursed, her expression detached, as if completely removed from her surroundings, standing alone, quiet and serene.

An Mu ranked… 52nd. Although not bad, it was enough to kick her out of Class One and place her in Class Two.

Jian Yixi wanted to comfort her, but the words rolled around on her tongue, and she didn’t know what to say. Any words of comfort would seem pale at this moment.

Jian Yixi felt useless, unable to offer even decent comfort. What was she even good for?

An Mu looked up in response, meeting Jian Yixi’s reddened eyes. Her gaze dimmed slightly. She reached out, pulled her out of the crowd.

“It’s better than I thought. I thought I wouldn’t even make it into Class Two.”

“Mhm, you truly are amazing. You just came back from abroad and you scored so well. You’ll definitely get into Class One next time!”

An Mu slightly curved her lips, the smile faint and a little forced.

“Let’s head back to class. We still have the class meeting and need to be given our homework.”

The busy morning quickly passed. The two ate lunch and then went home. Jian Yixi had bought a direct train ticket to Shunyi. It was slow, but she wouldn’t have to transfer. An Mu had bought a high-speed rail ticket directly to Beijing.

An Mu’s train was at 6:00 PM, and Jian Yixi’s was at 2:00 PM. An Mu saw Jian Yixi off in a taxi and waved goodbye.

Jian Yixi suddenly rolled down the window and smiled, “Let’s buy a pot next semester!”

An Mu was momentarily stunned. The wind blew, scattering her honey-brown long hair. Her pure white down coat, against the backdrop of flying dead leaves, was beautiful and unsullied.

An Mu didn’t ask why she wanted to buy a pot. She only raised her hand to brush the messy hair away, her amber eyes holding a complex emotion Jian Yixi couldn’t read. She simply waved her pale hand.

Jian Yixi’s heart inexplicably sank. She couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong. Watching An Mu’s figure recede, her heart felt heavier and heavier.

She was just going home for the winter break. What was wrong with her?

She rolled up the window, took out her phone, and sent a message to An Mu.

[Mengxi Bitalk: Aren’t you going to ask me why I want to buy a pot?]

[MistyRain Boat: To cook instant noodles more conveniently?]

[Mengxi Bitalk: Aren’t instant noodles just ramen? Ramen is for soaking! Why would you cook it? I want to go home and learn how to cook from my mom, and then I’ll make food for you when I get back~]

[MistyRain Boat: Maybe not. Wouldn’t spending that time on practice questions be better?]

[Mengxi Bitalk: No. Food smells better. ]

[Mengxi Bitalk: It’s settled then! Wait for the return of the Cooking God!]

An Mu replied with a laughing-so-hard-I’m-slapping-the-table emoji.

Why didn’t she reply with “Okay”?

It was such a trivial matter, yet Jian Yixi felt strangely bothered.

She wanted to repeat it and ask An Mu to reply with “Okay” or “I’ll wait,” but she also felt she was being too dramatic. An Mu was definitely unhappy about being kicked out of Class One, even if she didn’t show it. It was natural that she wasn’t in the mood to joke around. It was she who was being insensitive.

She put away her phone and looked back at the road where An Mu’s figure had long since vanished. She imagined returning next semester, cooking a table full of delicious food, and the surprised and happy look on An Mu’s face. She couldn’t help but smile radiantly.

An Mu watched Jian Yixi’s taxi drive away, then took out her phone and called her aunt.

“Aunt, the affiliated high school you mentioned last time, can we arrange it now?”

Her aunt chuckled, “Have you finally come around? I’ll have your uncle handle it for you this afternoon. You’ll also need to inform your school and transfer your student status.”

“I’ve already informed the school here.”

“Alright then, you come back first.”

An Mu hung up the phone and walked back to the apartment. She checked all the doors, windows, water, and electricity, emptied the refrigerator, and turned off the circuit breaker, the water valve, and the gas valve. Only then did she pour a cup of hot water and lean warmly on the balcony.

There was nothing left to worry about with the Jian family side; she just needed to find a couple of people to keep an eye on them.

Jian Yixi needed time to grow slowly.

She also needed time to stabilize her own neurosis and tendency toward violence.

Most importantly…

She needed to correct the increasingly unbalanced relationship between them. Jian Yixi didn’t need to view her as a savior, and she couldn’t continue to treat Jian Yixi as a tool to compensate for past regrets.

At the same time, this also served as the final lesson of adolescence for Jian Yixi.

—No one will stay by anyone’s side forever. The only person you can rely on is always yourself.

The author has something to say: Is today’s update early?

I was busy during the day, so I stayed up until almost four to finish writing.

The surprising thing is, I didn’t have a headache in the middle of the night!

I hope I don’t have a headache when I wake up during the day!

Please!