Dating Myself - Chapter 38

It was a rare clear night. A crescent moon hung high, and though there was no wind, the cold was enough to make one keep their hands tucked away.

It was just after nine o’clock, and the students, having finished evening study hall, surged out of the school gates like fish released from a dam. An Mu and Jian Yixi walked slowly, so the crowd wasn’t too overwhelming yet.

An Mu had initially intended to ignore that teasing question, but Mao Mao suddenly got off her bike, shoved the handlebars into Jian Yixi’s hand, waved, and told Jian Yixi to wait by the school gate. She wanted to talk to An Mu alone.

“An Mu, don’t mind me asking so directly, but I’m stuck between the two of you, and it’s really difficult, you know? If you two fall out, who do I side with? Do I just remain a sandwich filling?”

“This is no longer just a problem for you two; it’s a matter for the three of us. Only when I know your real thoughts can I help mediate and ensure the stability of our triangular structure to the maximum extent possible.”

After a long day, An Mu felt nothing but exhaustion and wanted to go home, wash up, and sleep.

If anyone else had asked her such a question, she would have completely ignored them. But it was Mao Mao, the one she could least refuse.

She understood Mao Mao’s nature. Mao Mao had a three-minute attention span for everything, but she was genuinely caring towards her friends. Otherwise, in her past life, she wouldn’t have been dragged into the bullying mess and ultimately died an ambiguous death.

Brushing Mao Mao off now would only make her overthink more. It was better to have a frank conversation and resolve it once and for all.

An Mu said, “I only see Jian Yixi as a friend.”

“Friend…”

Mao Mao was not at all surprised by her answer. She hooked her arm into An Mu’s and walked slowly at her pace.

“What if I said I don’t have anyone I like? Would you believe me?”

Mao Mao shook her head. “No. If you genuinely don’t have someone you like, then you must like Jian Yixi!”

“I don’t like Jian Yixi.”

“Then you must have someone else you like.”

An Mu sighed helplessly. “Do I absolutely have to like someone?”

Mao Mao said earnestly, “Not necessarily. But you’d have to explain why you skipped the exam to accompany Jian Yixi home.”

“I was just worried about her.”

—Mostly worried about her Adoptive Father, too.

“So you mean I wasn’t worried about her? That I’m not a good enough friend?”

Mao Mao wasn’t trying to argue; she was genuinely a little hurt.

Normally, who would skip an exam to accompany a friend home to see a relative? It would be understandable if it was a life-threatening illness, but that wasn’t the case here.

“So, explain why you skipped the exam for her? Why are you so good to her?”

Some questions only get murkier with an explanation. Silence was the best defense.

An Mu said, “Anyway, I don’t like her.”

Mao Mao immediately countered, “Then who do you like?”

An Mu rubbed her temple. “I like you. Is that better?”

Mao Mao waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, please. You wouldn’t say it, and I wouldn’t believe it~ Can you say something believable?”

It seemed Mao Mao was convinced she liked Jian Yixi.

An Mu recalled Jian Yixi’s guess that night and played along. “Fine, it’s my teacher.”

“And? Do you have a photo?”

Mao Mao was clearly still unconvinced.

An Mu said, “No. I changed phones after I got here.”

“Alright…” Mao Mao sighed. “If you won’t tell me the truth, I really don’t know how to mediate your relationship.”

“There’s no need to mediate. We’re perfectly fine as we are.”

“It’s a hidden danger, understand? There’s a hidden danger!”

An Mu rubbed her face. “Are you going to beat it out of me and force me to admit I like Jian Yixi, or what?”

“Of course not!” Mao Mao pondered briefly. “Since you said you like your teacher, then… did you come back to China because your relationship was discovered?”

This was a trick question. Any answer would lead to a chain of inquiries.

An Mu said, “Yes.”

Mao Mao touched her chin. “Let me guess. You were devastated by this, then you met Qi Liran, and that sparked an unprecedented surge of sympathy. You thought, I can’t help myself, but at least I can help this poor girl?”

An Mu said, “Something like that.”

“I’ll guess again. You mentioned before that you joined a group because you were feeling down, and the group was full of heartbroken people. According to your description, there should be quite a few people in that group. Why did you only become close with Qi Liran?”

An Mu: “I…”

Mao Mao interrupted. “Don’t tell me. I’ll continue guessing. Qi Liran lived at school and had no phone or computer. She had no way to go online until after her head injury, which was after the Gaokao (college entrance exam).”

“The Gaokao was in June, and you transferred back to China in August. In other words, you only knew her for two months at most. What allowed you to become close so quickly despite the distance?”

“I remember you’re from Beijing, right?”

“You had just been caught having an early relationship, and with your teacher no less. Your family must have been furious. Since the matter was serious enough to send you back to China, they’d definitely need someone to keep an eye on you. Wouldn’t returning to Beijing be the obvious choice?”

“It must have taken a lot of effort to convince your family to let you come to this godforsaken place, Weicheng, under those circumstances.”

“What charisma does Qi Liran have that you’d go to all this trouble?”

“You were discovered in a teacher-student relationship, and she was bullied into a head injury. Logically, you two shouldn’t have much in common, and she shouldn’t have resonated with you.”

“I thought about it all afternoon, and I couldn’t figure it out. Just now, it suddenly became clear!”

“Guess what I figured out?”

An Mu already knew what Mao Mao was about to say.

Mao Mao said with a serious expression, “I realized you two do have something in common. On the contrary, your paths are almost identical!”

Mao Mao tugged An Mu’s arm and pushed out of the school gate. Jian Yixi was waiting by the roadside. Seeing Mao Mao drag An Mu to a corner, she hesitated for a moment and then walked over with her bike.

Mao Mao was still analyzing with An Mu.

“Qi Liran was heartbroken, and you were heartbroken. That’s the starting point of your commonality. But there are many heartbroken people. That alone wouldn’t make you two inseparable. So, I hypothesize that you both like the same gender. Qi Liran likes women, and you like women, too, right?”

Women… teacher?

The image of Chen Han suddenly popped into An Mu’s mind.

She glanced at Jian Yixi.

Though using Chen Han as a shield felt a bit wrong, Mao Mao and Jian Yixi weren’t the type to gossip carelessly. Rather than let Mao Mao ramble on, it was better to follow her line of reasoning and get it over with quickly.

An Mu lowered her eyes and sighed forlornly. The yellow light of the streetlamp filtered through the bare, withered branches of the trees, dappling over her but failing to illuminate the gloom, instead making her look so dejected that she seemed to merge with the darkness of the night.

“I can’t hide anything from you. I can tell you, but don’t spread it around, or I’m afraid it might cause her trouble.”

Seeing her in this state, Mao Mao became a little flustered.

“Why are you suddenly so mournful? Don’t scare me.”

An Mu took out her phone, found the private messages Chen Han had sent her, and showed them.

“It’s her. You know her.”

Mao Mao and Jian Yixi exchanged glances and quickly leaned in.

“Chen Han?!”

Chen Han was familiar to all students at Weicheng No. 2 High School. Mao Mao and Jian Yixi naturally knew of her.

Chen Han’s public welfare campaign, “Caring for Youth, Ending Violent Harm,” was still being talked about. She had indirectly forced Weicheng No. 2 High School to change its “pending class” system, and the regular classes no longer ranked students by scores, which truly relieved many students.

It was because of her that An Mu’s plan was able to progress so smoothly.

Jian Yixi and Mao Mao had specifically looked up Chen Han, knowing she was a famous designer, and had seen many of her photos. She was truly an elegant beauty with fair skin, a beautiful face, and long legs.

However, their knowledge of Chen Han stopped there. If An Mu hadn’t mentioned it, they wouldn’t have known Chen Han had also been An Mu’s teacher.

After reading the private messages, Mao Mao’s mouth was completely sealed. She looked up at An Mu with immense conflict. Before An Mu could make out the emotion in her eyes, Mao Mao embraced her.

“Come on, bestie. Go home, get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow’s a new day.”

Those ambiguous private messages clearly suggested that An Mu liked Chen Han, who had rejected her. That’s why An Mu transferred schools heartbroken and was pretending to have amnesia to escape the past.

Mao Mao hugged her for a long time and even sniffled two tears, whether regretting her own probing or simply having conjured up another emotional drama in her head.

Before Mao Mao could start rambling advice, An Mu rubbed her temple and said she was tired, successfully stopping her.

Mao Mao sighed as she rode away. An Mu turned and walked towards home, only noticing after a couple of steps that Jian Yixi was also looking downcast.

After calling her name twice, Jian Yixi seemed to snap back and looked up at her.

“Were you calling me?”

“It’s nothing,” Jian Yixi smiled a little forcedly. “I just feel… that you’ve been through a lot.”

“It’s nothing. It’s all in the past.”

Jian Yixi took her arm, clutching it tighter and tighter.

“I think her attitude seems to have softened a lot. It feels like she might like you too. If you…”

“I don’t,” An Mu interrupted. “Don’t guess wildly. I don’t like her anymore.”

“Mhm, you don’t like her. She hurt you back then, so we won’t like her anymore!”

Despite her words, Jian Yixi clearly didn’t believe her. She returned home, still clinging to An Mu, with a listless expression.

After washing up, Jian Yixi lay in bed. Listening to the sound of the light switch being flipped in An Mu’s room next door, she tossed and turned under the covers, unable to fall asleep.

The phone screen on her pillow suddenly lit up. Jian Yixi picked it up and opened a message from Mao Mao.

【Meow Meow: This is terrible, terrible, terrible!】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: What’s wrong?】

【Meow Meow: The more I think about it, the more I realize something’s off. Didn’t you see Chen Han’s last message? She’s clearly taking an interest in An Mu again. If An Mu still liked her, she definitely wouldn’t miss this opportunity. An Mu clearly doesn’t like her anymore!】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: An Mu just said she doesn’t like her anymore, but I don’t know if it’s true.】

【Meow Meow: It must be true! I’ve been thinking about this ever since I left, and I can’t sleep. The more I think, the more I realize there’s only one reason An Mu could forget her old love so quickly!】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: What?】

【Meow Meow: Why are you asking me what? Think about it, what’s the quickest way for someone to get over a breakup?】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: I don’t know.】

【Meow Meow: Tsk! Why are you so slow?!】

【Meow Meow: Of course, it’s to fall in love with someone else! That’s you!!】

Jian Yixi’s heart suddenly thumped hard. The cool, white light of the screen fell on her soft, pale face. Her earlier restlessness seemed to vanish instantly, leaving only her eyes shining brightly like cold stars.

She managed to steady her racing heart and furiously typed a reply.

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: Why haven’t you learned your lesson? Why are you still talking nonsense?】

【Meow Meow: Hand on heart, I’m telling you this after genuinely deep thought. I’m practically terrified right now!】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: What are you afraid of?】

【Meow Meow: What am I afraid of? Aren’t you? What if my theory is true? If An Mu truly falls deeply in love with you and you reject her, wouldn’t you be following Chen Han’s path? Look at how distant she and Chen Han are now. Chen Han helped her so much, yet she’s completely unforgiving. Do you want that to happen with you?】

Those words instantly crushed Jian Yixi’s fluttering heart.

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: That’s just a guess.】

【Meow Meow: But what if it’s true?】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: I definitely won’t ask An Mu about it again.】

【Meow Meow: No, you definitely shouldn’t ask. I don’t want to bring up her trauma either. But I’m still worried. Can’t you think of a solution?】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: What kind of solution?】

【Meow Meow: A way to make her give up quietly without damaging your friendship!】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: Simple. I’ll just get a boyfriend!】

【Meow Meow: Yes! Why didn’t I think of that?! Right, right, right! Get a boyfriend! It’s decided! You must get a boyfriend before winter break! The sooner, the better!】

【Meow Meow: Don’t just dot dot dot me. I’m serious.】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: Where am I supposed to find one?】

【Meow Meow: If you can’t find a real one, can’t you get a fake one? Just find a guy you know who’s willing to pretend to be your boyfriend.】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: Which guy do I know well?】

【Meow Meow: ……】

【Meow Meow: Fine, stop wasting data. Think of something!】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: Maybe I’ll ask a classmate from my hometown to pretend?】

【Meow Meow: Not very reliable. An Mu isn’t stupid. She’s not that easy to fool.】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: Then I’m out of ideas.】

【Meow Meow: How about you rent a boyfriend?】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: Do you think I can afford to rent one?】

【Meow Meow: Then… maybe I can ask my brother to stand in?】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: How could your brother go along with your foolishness?】

【Meow Meow: I’m not worried about him going along with it; I’m worried about him telling my mom on me.】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: Fine, go to sleep.】

【Meow Meow: Wait! I have an idea! We can cosplay!】

【Meow Meow: I! I can cosplay as your boyfriend!】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: ?????????】

【Meow Meow: You just tell An Mu that your online dating partner is meeting you in person, a meet-up! She won’t follow you on your date, right? Then I’ll just throw on some of my brother’s clothes, put on a baseball cap, and we can take photos while we ‘date’—either by a shop window or finding good angles—and send them to An Mu. How realistic is that?! Even if An Mu’s IQ is 300, she’ll never guess it’s fake!】

【Mengxi’s Thoughts: C-Can this really work?】

【Meow Meow: It can! Start dropping hints to An Mu tomorrow that you’re online dating. I’ll register a new social media account, and we can pretend to be a lovey-dovey couple. We’ll have the meet-up right after the exam. It’ll be completely authentic!】

Mao Mao was a woman of action. She immediately registered the new account and added Jian Yixi. By the time they finished all the plotting, it was past one in the morning.

Mao Mao said goodnight and slept, and Jian Yixi was tired, too. Her body was heavy, but her mind refused to rest.

Her mind was a mess.

Logically, she knew Mao Mao’s plan was a bit ridiculous, but emotionally, she felt it had to be done. She didn’t want to become the next Chen Han. Just thinking about the possibility of An Mu cutting ties with her gave her a suffocating feeling.

No, absolutely not!

Regardless of whether An Mu’s feelings for her were friendship or love, and regardless of how childish following Mao Mao’s crazy idea was, she had to try. If it was just friendship, great, it would just be a fun day out with Mao Mao. If it was love… then she had to nip it in the bud. Better safe than sorry.

But… what if An Mu truly gave up on her and went back to Chen Han?

Jian Yixi, who had just figured things out, was suddenly confused again. She frustratingly covered her head, tossing and turning.

That Chen Han was so excellent. Maybe she was actually quite suitable for An Mu…

No! Absolutely not! She hurt An Mu. She doesn’t deserve her!

Right! She doesn’t deserve her!

So what exactly should she do now?

Forget it! No matter what, she absolutely did not want to become strangers with An Mu.

The semester was extremely busy, and time flew by. In the blink of an eye, the exams were over.

An Mu’s Grandmother had passed away long ago, leaving only her Grandfather. He had six children, all very filial. Except for An Mu’s Father and Youngest Uncle, the others were all in Beijing, mainly to keep the old man company.

No sooner had An Mu stepped out of the exam room than her Youngest Aunt called.

“When are you coming back? Grandpa has been asking about you for days.”

“I’ll come back in two days after I get my report card.”

She couldn’t leave right after the exam. She had to wait to collect her report card and receive her winter break homework.

Classmates were laughing, saying their goodbyes, with sounds of plans to go out that evening everywhere.

Mao Mao pushed her bike, deliberately bumping Jian Yixi with her elbow.

“Should we go out tonight, too?”

Jian Yixi kept her head down, ignoring her.

An Mu asked, “Where to?”

Mao Mao blurted out without thinking, “To a KTV! No! To a bar! They say the singer at ‘Night Colors’ is super hot~ I want to check him out~”

An Mu frowned. “Why are you going to a bar? You’re underage.”

“What’s wrong with being underage? We just won’t drink! Jian Yixi, you say it. Are we going?”

Jian Yixi stammered a bit, glancing at Xie Mao Mao, then at An Mu.

“I… I won’t go. I have something to do tomorrow.”

“What is it?” Mao Mao asked on purpose.

“Zhao Qi… is coming to see me tomorrow.”

“Zhao Qi? Your online dating partner? What, you two are having a meet-up?”

Jian Yixi nodded vaguely.

“Alright then. Good luck~”

They walked out of the school gate. Mao Mao rode off, and Jian Yixi walked home with An Mu, stealing several glances at her along the way.

An Mu pretended not to notice.

Jian Yixi finally couldn’t hold back.

“Aren’t you… going to ask me?”

“Ask you what?”

—Ask you where you conjured up an online boyfriend from?

“Just… about Zhao Qi.”

“Didn’t you tell me the other day?”

“Aren’t you opposed to it?”

—I’m actually quite curious what you’re up to.

An Mu smiled faintly, her amber eyes like the Milky Way, deep and sparkling.

“I’m not opposed to it. Just remember to come home early. It’s not safe when it gets too late.”

Jian Yixi managed a strained smile. She couldn’t understand why she suddenly felt down. She almost wanted to call Mao Mao immediately and cancel the plan.

An Mu… clearly didn’t like her. Otherwise, why was she completely unfazed?

Was she jumping to conclusions again?

Besides, if An Mu didn’t like her, she should be happy, right? So why couldn’t she be happy?

If An Mu didn’t like her, did that mean she still liked Chen Han?

But she was clearly so distant towards Chen Han.

Or perhaps… the depth of her love turned into hatred, and because she loved her too much, she wasn’t willing to forgive her easily?

Then what was she doing? Foolishly going on a fake date with Mao Mao. It was ridiculous and humiliating. With this free time, she should be thinking about how to change Jian Yihu’s house arrest to detention. She had promised An Mu solemnly, and she hadn’t even started yet.

“How about I…”

—I won’t go.

Before she could finish the second half of her sentence, An Mu took off her down jacket and hung it on the rack. She casually opened the package she had just picked up at the gate, pulling out two simple black bandeau tops, and handed them over.

“Try to see if these will cover you. It’s fine as long as you don’t leak out.”

Jian Yixi paused, her coat half-off. She took the bandeau tops, stretched them open a couple of times, noting they were quite elastic.

“These are…”

“Wear these to sleep at night. Stop wearing your bra. I’ve told you several times.”

Jian Yixi blinked, her long lashes curled. Her pursed lips held no smile, but the faint little dimple appeared anyway.

“Did you… buy these for me specially online?”

“I couldn’t buy them anywhere but online. There aren’t any stores nearby, and we don’t have time to go to the mall.”

“No, I mean… did you specifically buy them for me?”

“Don’t worry about it. They’re not worth much.”

An Mu had already changed into her pajamas. The heating in the room was sufficient, so a simple cotton pajama was enough.

Jian Yixi looked at An Mu, then down at the bandeau tops.

This… this wasn’t about the money at all. Who cares for a friend to… this extent?

An Mu suddenly recalled, “What were you about to say just now?”

Jian Yixi squeezed the bandeau top in her hand. She slowly shook her head at first, then shook it firmly.

“Nothing. I was just wondering what to wear on the date tomorrow.”