Criticizing Love - Chapter 8

Chapter 8

With those words, Gu Nianyin had made up her mind: she wasn’t moving.

She gazed at Lin Xi with her deep brown eyes. Though she seemed like a “dodder flower,” she felt more like one clinging to a pine tree on a cliffside—steady and determined amidst the calm. Then, like the shifting sunlight, she looked away.

Lin Xi’s face darkened inch by inch. By the time school let out, her expression was so sour that no one needed to get close to know she was in a foul mood.

Does this Gu Nianyin have some kind of masochistic streak? I spoke to her like that, yet she still wants to be my desk-mate? Or has she grown up without learning how to read the room?

Lin Xi’s mind was a storm of silent complaints. Veins bulged slightly on the back of her pale, slender hand as she gripped her bike handlebars.

It was then that she felt a tug on her sleeve. Looking over irritably, she saw Zhong Sheng pointing excitedly toward the school gates. “Whoa! Xi, am I seeing things? Is the ‘Great One’s’ family car a Porsche Cayenne?!”

The name sounded familiar. Lin Xi followed Zhong Sheng’s gaze, her brow furrowing against the blinding glare of the setting sun.

She recognized that car. It was the most prized possession among Lin Deyuan’s collection—a collector-level luxury vehicle.

Under the sunset, Gu Nianyin’s straight, slender figure stood out from the bustling crowd of students, much like Lin Deyuan’s car did. While other students stared, Gu Nianyin remained calm and cold. She walked unhurriedly and stood before the car, waiting for the door to open automatically for her. In Lin Xi’s eyes, she was comfortably enjoying everything Lin Deyuan provided.

“I heard her family is loaded. The school she went to in Zhu City was one of those expensive, English-only private international schools!”

Zhong Sheng enthusiastically shared the gossip she’d gathered in just one break period, but the more Lin Xi heard, the more disdainful she became.

What is this? The ‘White Moonlight’ leaving her homeland to descend to the mortal realm for love? Heh.

Lin Xi’s lips curled into a cold sneer. Zhong Sheng, oblivious, continued her chatter: “No wonder she’s so good at English. A 119—only one point away from a perfect score! I wouldn’t dare dream of a score like that!”

The more Lin Xi heard “Great One,” the more annoyed she felt. “…What kind of title is that?”

“A title of respect!” Zhong Sheng’s eyes were full of admiration. “Anyone who can take such neat notes under ‘Old Orange’s’ horrific lecturing style is no mere mortal!”

“That’s only because—” Lin Xi started to retort, almost revealing that she was the one who made Cheng Jianbang slow down, but she bit her tongue. The cutoff was so abrupt that Zhong Sheng tilted her head. “Because what?”

“Nothing,” Lin Xi grunted, her grip on the handlebars tightening. “Call her whatever you want.”

Regardless, Lin Xi vowed she would never be “kind” again. Never.

The sun dipped lower as the girl on the bike sped like a gust of wind, turning familiarly into a narrow alleyway. Dim light filled the old streets, but beneath the sagging power lines, a cluster of high-rise buildings rose in the distance.

That was the hospital where Lin Xi’s mother stayed—Lin Xi’s first stop every day after school.

Clean hospital lights chased away the outdoor gloom. The clicks of her shoes on the tile floor were crisp. Shadows flickered against the frosted glass of the patient rooms. Inside, a woman wearing a grey knit cap sat on the bed. Her thin hands were rough and peeling from repeated medical taping.

She held an apple in one hand and a sharp paring knife in the other, peeling the skin in a continuous spiral to reveal the pale yellow flesh. She was timing it, waiting for someone.

“Mom, I’m back!”

The door swung open with a burst of energy. Lin Xi smiled at Xing Xiu, asking as she walked in, “Dr. Tao changed your dressing today. Do you feel any better?”

“Much better. I even ate an extra half-bowl of rice at lunch,” Xing Xiu replied softly, her eyes full of warmth. She watched Lin Xi set down her backpack. “How about you, Xiao Xi? Anything interesting happen at school? Did you make any new friends?”

The moment the question was asked, Gu Nianyin’s name flashed in Lin Xi’s mind. The smell of disinfectant filled her nose, reminding her how inappropriate that person’s appearance was at a time like this. Looking at her frail mother, Lin Xi felt her resentment deepen.

The divorce had been a massive blow to Xing Xiu; Lin Xi would never tell her about meeting Gu Nianyin. She masked her expression instantly, dragging out her words playfully: “Mom, I’m at school to study, not play. I can’t make new friends every single day.”

“True. You’re a senior now,” Xing Xiu nodded, looking a bit sheepish. “Mom forgot.”

Lin Xi’s steps faltered. This “forgetting” wasn’t a simple oversight; it was a side effect of her medication. People fear the abnormal, especially memory loss—whether active or passive.

Lin Xi felt a sharp pang in her heart. She was terrified of her mother’s condition worsening, terrified she would be forgotten, and even more terrified of her mother leaving her.

A wave of negative emotions surged, but she took a deep breath, buried them at the bottom of her heart, and replaced them with a lighthearted smile. “It’s no big deal. If you forget, you forget. Don’t overthink it.”

“Okay,” Xing Xiu smiled back, though her eyes were filled with more pity for her daughter than for herself.

The apple was nearly peeled. Xing Xiu held it up. “Want some?”

“Of course,” Lin Xi agreed. “You keep peeling, Mom. I’m going to the nurse’s station and I’ll be back to eat it.”

This was a routine. Lin Xi worried her mother would hide things to keep her from worrying, so she checked in with the nurses every day. Xing Xiu was used to it; in their life together, Lin Xi’s care gave her a sense of purpose.

“Then I’ll peel another one so we can eat together when you’re back,” Xing Xiu suggested.

“Sounds good.” Lin Xi turned and walked out.

The nurse’s station wasn’t busy. The nurse looked up and saw Lin Xi approaching. Every time she saw this girl, she couldn’t help but think: This girl is too striking.

Standing over 1.7 meters tall, she was lean and high-proportioned. Even in a loose school uniform, her frame looked elegant. Under the cold fluorescent lights, her pale face and naturally thick brows radiated a defiant energy that was impossible to ignore.

The nurse often admired Lin Xi’s looks, but she also felt pained knowing that this toughness was forged by a father’s irresponsibility. Her expression softened. “Xiao Xi is here.”

Lin Xi nodded politely. “How is my mother today?”

“She’s doing well. She ate more today than she has in the last few days. The new medicine Dr. Tao prescribed is quite effective.”

Lin Xi’s face relaxed. She had worried her mother was just telling her what she wanted to hear. Now she could truly let it go.

“Oh, right, Xiao Xi,” the nurse added. “Dr. Tao’s prescription this morning used up most of the balance on the card. The head nurse asked me to remind you so the next batch of medicine isn’t delayed.”

“Got it. I’ll top it up in a bit,” Lin Xi replied easily, as if she wasn’t worried about the money.

“No rush. Take this first.” The nurse pulled a large bag of red dates from under her desk. “For you. My husband brought these from his hometown. They’re great for energy and blood. You’re a senior; you need this.”

“That’s… a lot.” Lin Xi was shocked by the massive bag.

Perhaps those who spend their lives in the cold are more easily warmed. The bright red of the bag seemed to ignite something in Lin Xi’s exhausted body. She lifted the heavy bag with one hand and accepted it. “Then I won’t be polite. If I run out, I’m coming back for more.”

“As much as you need!” the nurse laughed.

Lin Xi didn’t stay long. As she left the station, the smile faded from her face.

She had enough money for now, but the issue was that this money should have been paid by Lin Deyuan. Xing Xiu had been stripped of her financial resources, and many of her treatments weren’t covered by insurance. The court-ordered alimony and child support were supposed to cover these costs.

To Lin Xi, the nearly six-figure sum was a fortune; to a real estate boss like Lin Deyuan, it was pocket change. Yet, he was two months behind on payments. Lin Xi’s savings were a finite resource. If Xing Xiu’s condition spiraled and she needed surgery, that money was for saving her life.

The corridor was silent. A chill wind blew in from an open window.

Lin Xi walked back, the image of Lin Deyuan’s Porsche Cayenne at the school gate flashing in her mind. Why could people like him break every moral code while they had to follow the rules? He had money, luxury cars, and lived in an expensive villa with his “recovered love,” while lavishly supporting a daughter who wasn’t even his by blood.

Daughter.

“Heh.”

A cold, bloody sneer escaped her lips. Her face was a mask of mockery and hatred. The urge for revenge bubbled up in her chest again. One more push, and the darkness would overflow.

The chaos of her emotions followed her home. Every time she closed her eyes, her mind plotted how to get the money from Lin Deyuan. Hatred kept her awake.

The next day in class, the English article the teacher was reading sounded like a long, droning incantation circling her head. Exhausted, she leaned her head on the desk and fell into a delayed sleep.

In her dream, she saw the Porsche Cayenne again. Lin Deyuan had bought it at an overseas auction for a huge price and kept it in the garage, forbidding anyone to drive it. Once, Lin Xi had used it in an emergency, and he had screamed at her, asking if she thought she was “worthy.”

The echoes of his shaming screams pierced her dream. A girl as proud as Lin Xi could not endure such humiliation.

The dream shifted to a silent underground garage at 1:00 AM. A slender girl’s silhouette was reflected on the white hood of the car. Every stroke of light was an act of rebellion. Lin Xi picked up a pen and, with sharp, decisive strokes, drew a rose onto the surface of the Porsche.

In this dream, her hatred was deeper than it had been years ago. She had experienced her father’s betrayal and carried the weight of her mother’s illness. The screeching sound of the pen against the car’s paint was like a silent roar. She drew the petals with a manic energy, finding small pockets of satisfaction before being swallowed by more hatred.

The cold light fell on her thin back; her shoulder blades stood out like the broken wings of a butterfly. She was huddled in the heart of the flower, and the rose was swallowing her whole.

Memories flickered:

• Getting her first perfect score in elementary school, only to see Lin Deyuan’s retreating back as he took a phone call.

• Winning a national math competition and receiving only a cold look.

• The night before her middle school entrance ceremony, when he canceled his attendance and scolded her for “spending too much of his money.”

No one becomes “wicked” for no reason. Lin Xi’s defiance was a product of Lin Deyuan’s “harvest.” The only reason their relationship hadn’t completely shattered over the years was because Xing Xiu had exhausted herself trying to maintain it. Lin Xi never yielded to Lin Deyuan’s authority; she only yielded because she didn’t want her mother to be caught in the middle.

In her seventeen years, every drop of love she had known came from Xing Xiu. And now, the only person who loved her could leave at any moment.

Why do this to me… Why… won’t anyone just love me a little?

Her pride wouldn’t let her admit her fear, yet every bone in her body trembled.

“Lin Xi.” “Lin Xi.”

As she sank deeper into the nightmare, a hand pushed through the thorny roses and rested on her shoulder. A voice called her name.

The 8:00 AM sun was muffled by clouds, casting a soft light on the back row. Lin Xi slowly lifted her heavy lashes to see Gu Nianyin’s face closer than usual. The hand was still on her shoulder. The nightmare hadn’t fully faded; the classroom still felt full of thorns.

Lin Xi felt as though her hearing had been stripped away. The world was unnervingly quiet, save for her own painful, heavy breathing.

Yet Gu Nianyin’s gaze was like an anchor. She looked into Lin Xi’s eyes and said:

“Lin Xi, don’t be afraid.”

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