After Pretending to be an Idiot, I Was Targeted by the Cold-Blooded Zhangyin - Chapter 4

Xie Hemiao paused, then smiled again: “Then Second Brother will accompany you.”

Xie Changsheng smiled happily: “Great!”

Xie Hemiao actually crouched down, settling into the dirt beside Xie Changsheng. Watching Xie Changsheng roll the mud for a while, he asked: “Little Mushroom, does it hurt anywhere?”

Xie Changsheng pointed to his backside.

Xie Hemiao: “…”

He asked again: “You really don’t remember Second Brother? Then do you remember…”

He leaned into Xie Changsheng’s ear. The scent of alcohol mixed with heavy incense wafted into Xie Changsheng’s nostrils, making him want to sneeze. Beside his ear, Xie Hemiao’s voice remained smiling, yet it inexplicably carried a sinister undertone: “Do you still remember how my leg became crippled?”

How did it become crippled? I don’t know, the book never said.

Before Xie Changsheng could react, Xie Hemiao smiled again: “Alright, Third Brother, stop playing. Brother has serious business to discuss with you.”

“It’s about the Little Marquis Fang.”

As soon as Xie Hemiao finished speaking, Xie Changsheng suddenly stood up, moved several steps away, and crouched down again.

Startled, Xie Hemiao followed him. But with just one step forward, Xie Changsheng acted as if he were dodging something filthy and retreated several more steps in the opposite direction.

“Changsheng, are you avoiding your brother?”

Xie Changsheng covered his ears, looking both angry and aggrieved: “Mushroom! Can’t! Talk! Stop! Talking! To! Me! So! Annoying!”

Looking at Xie Changsheng’s breakdown, Xie Hemiao finally couldn’t help but laugh out loud. He stopped trying to communicate and turned to the attendants behind Xie Changsheng: “Take good care of your Mushroom Master.”

Standing up, he tapped the top of Xie Changsheng’s head with his fan handle again: “Brother is leaving now.”

Only after turning past two palace walls did the corners of Xie Hemiao’s mouth curl into a quick smile. His mind spun with a single phrase—

Retribution is swift. Retribution is swift. Retribution is truly swift!

After Xie Hemiao left, Xie Changsheng quietly breathed a sigh of relief. He naturally sensed that Xie Hemiao had been testing him just now. Whether the man believed him or not, he didn’t know.

After squatting and playing with the dirt for a while longer, Xie Changsheng’s legs went numb. He collapsed directly onto the ground. Closing both eyes and pillowing his hands behind his head, he announced: “Going to sleep!”

Attendants immediately came forward to help him up: “Little Highness, get up quickly, let’s go back to the palace to sleep.”

Xie Changsheng wasn’t actually willing to share a bed with ants. He allowed himself to be half-pulled up and led toward his bedchamber. With every step, bits of dirt fell from him, leaving a trail of muddy footprints.

Back at the hall, Yang Luo nearly fainted when she saw his grimy state. She immediately ordered water to be brought, intending to serve Xie Changsheng while he bathed.

Xie Changsheng, a “pure-hearted maiden-like” young man, was not about to let a woman help him bathe. Sitting in the large wooden tub, he used his hands as water guns. Every time Yang Luo approached, he squirted her with water. He was like a Peashooter defending a castle.

Yang Luo: “…”

She looked down at her soaked dress and grew annoyed. She rolled up her sleeves and marched toward Xie Changsheng with an aggressive air.

Through the misty steam, Xie Changsheng skillfully superimposed Yang Luo’s figure with that of his grandmother, who used to charge at him with a rolling pin when he failed his exams.

He splashed even harder: “No! I don’t want you to come over!”

Yang Luo wiped the water from her face: “Then who does Your Highness want to serve you?”

Xie Changsheng paddled the water in the tub: “I want a dark-skinned athlete standing nineteen feet tall.”

Yang Luo: “…”

Xie Changsheng saw a vein throb on Yang Luo’s forehead. His intention was to drive her away with impossible demands, but instead, it only enraged her further. This time, ignoring his resistance, she was determined to wash him.

Xie Changsheng, a paragon of male virtue, wailed heart-wrenchingly: “No, no, n—”

While the entire hall was in an uproar, a voice drifted in from outside the window.

“Little Highness.”

The voice was slightly deep and soft, yet it carried an icy chill. Everyone, including Xie Changsheng, fell silent.

Xie Changsheng heard the trembling voice of an attendant: “Palmprint.”

Palmprint? Gu Feiyi?

An attendant answered Gu Feiyi’s question in a low voice, saying only that Xie Changsheng was unwilling to bathe. Gu Feiyi gave a cold, emotionless “Mm.”

Xie Changsheng raised his voice and asked: “Who is it? Who’s talking?”

No one answered. Then, the sound of light footsteps echoed in the hall. The footsteps came straight to the outside of the screen and, without stopping, rounded it directly.

Xie Changsheng first smelled a cold fragrance of plum blossoms, then saw the visitor clearly.

An embroidered gold red robe, a jade-buckled belt, and a tall, upright figure. Thin lips were curved in a faint, mocking smile, but there was no mirth in his pale amber eyes. Just looking at him sent a chill through one’s heart.

Gu Feiyi.

The world-shaking Palmprint Eunuch—everyone feared him, everyone hated him. But he was far too ambitious and far too capable. While reading the book, Xie Changsheng had been a die-hard Gu Feiyi fan. But facing him for real, becoming the person Gu Feiyi hated, Xie Changsheng wanted to cry but had no tears.

“Gu Feiyi pays his respects to the Highness.”

Despite saying so, Gu Feiyi’s back remained straight as a poker, with no intention of actually bowing. The old Emperor loved Xie Changsheng most and favored Gu Feiyi most. The fact that Gu Feiyi didn’t have to bow even before the Emperor had infuriated the original host countless times. In a fit of rage, the host had once tied Gu Feiyi up and whipped him savagely. But no matter the punishment, Gu Feiyi never once bent his waist.

Xie Changsheng realized he had been staring at Gu Feiyi for a bit too long. He decided to go all out, tilting his head back to stare at him incessantly.

Gu Feiyi spoke: “His Majesty is worried about the Little Highness and has sent me to bring the Golden Lead Elixir, personally refined by His Majesty.”

As he spoke, he took a brocade box from his wide sleeve. When opened, it revealed a gleaming golden pill.

Xie Changsheng’s heart sank. In his waning years, as the old Emperor’s health declined, he began to pursue immortality like other emperors in history. Under Gu Feiyi’s suggestion, the Emperor became obsessed with alchemy. One day he’d use the flesh of a fetus to refine an “Immortality Pill,” and the next, he’d use the hair of a hundred virgins for a “Fragrance Pill.”

Fortunately, unlike other “colleagues,” the old Emperor didn’t like giving pills away; he kept them for himself. Even his favorite son, Xie Changsheng, had never tasted one. This time, whether it was the Emperor’s idea or Gu Feiyi’s, it was hard to say.

But Xie Changsheng knew clearly: this pill must never be eaten. It didn’t just taste bad—its heavy metal content was off the charts. Eat one and go mad; the results were guaranteed.

Thoughts flashed by, and Xie Changsheng frowned, asking Gu Feiyi: “Who did you say sent this?”

Gu Feiyi’s cool gaze circled Xie Changsheng’s face: “Naturally, it is His Majesty the Emperor.”

“That ugly old man?”

Xie Changsheng’s hands burst out from the water. His shoulders and arms, which had been hidden, surfaced, the rippling water casting flickering marks on his snow-white skin.

The little puppy has a good hide, Gu Feiyi thought coldly.

Xie Changsheng suddenly grabbed the golden pill from the box and threw it far away with all his might: “I won’t eat things given by an ugly monster! Blegh!”

After throwing it, as if he had suffered a great grievance, he covered his face and wailed incessantly. Yang Luo rushed forward to coax him: “Highness, Highness, don’t cry, don’t cry…”

She then said to Gu Feiyi: “The Palmprint may not know, but today the Little Highness…”

“I know,” Gu Feiyi interrupted.

He had heard long ago that Xie Changsheng had become a simpleton. Suspecting a conspiracy, he had come to probe for the truth. He had only been delayed by delivering a message for the Emperor to the Little Marquis Fang.

Gu Feiyi lowered his gaze, observing Xie Changsheng’s every move. The little puppy had always been obnoxious, but who would have thought retribution would come so soon, turning him into a fool with one hit to the head.

Yet, the foolish puppy didn’t seem quite so loathsome anymore. Watching him splash and cry until his voice went hoarse was actually quite amusing. Come to think of it, this was likely the first time Gu Feiyi had seen a simpleton in person. He watched Xie Changsheng for a long while as if watching a performance.

Xie Changsheng cried at first, but then seemed to forget why he was crying, his attention drawn to his long hair floating in the water. He stuck out a finger, winding the hair around it again and again. Once one finger was full, he switched to another. When all five fingers were tangled in hair, he looked terrified: “Help! The hair is biting me!”

Gu Feiyi: “…”

So, fools are foolish in this way?

Though he hadn’t seen enough, he didn’t want to remain in the same room any longer. Gu Feiyi called out: “Highness.”

Xie Changsheng seemed to just remember there was a person in front of him and jerked in fright. Seeing Gu Feiyi, his mouth flattened, and he became teary-eyed again: “I don’t want to eat things from the ugly monster, I don’t!!”

“Since Your Highness is unwilling, then let it be.” Gu Feiyi said, “Gu Feiyi takes his leave.”

Without lingering, he took one last look at Xie Changsheng and turned to walk away. Leaving the Hall of Fragrance, Gu Feiyi recalled Xie Changsheng’s dazed expression and how he called the old Emperor an “ugly monster,” feeling a sense of amusement.

He thought: Even a fool can distinguish beauty from ugliness.

At this, a spark of curiosity flashed in his mind—he wondered if he appeared beautiful or ugly in the eyes of this idiot. If he were the one offering food, would Xie Changsheng eat it?

It was a small question at first, but in a moment, the thought blazed like a prairie fire. The more he thought, the more curious he became. Suddenly, his footsteps stopped, and he turned back.

After Gu Feiyi left, Xie Changsheng sighed in relief. While Yang Luo turned to search for the golden pill on the floor, he quickly dried himself, pulled a set of undergarments around him, and grabbed his outer robe.

Yang Luo turned back and couldn’t help but laugh: “Highness, how can you wear clothes like that?”

She was helping him with the complex garments when an attendant suddenly reported: “The Palmprint has returned.”

Xie Changsheng was stunned. What is he back for? To take back the pill, or something else?

Before he could figure it out, the tall, red-clad figure approached. Gu Feiyi stopped in front of him. He scanned the room, suddenly picked up a pastry from the table, and held it to Xie Changsheng’s lips.

He asked: “Will you eat?”

Xie Changsheng: …????

No, brother. You doubled back just to feed me a snack? Isn’t this a bit too intimate??