After Letting Go, Her Regret Remains - Chapter 5

“Shi Jing.” Shang Li’s tone deepened, carrying a hint of urgency.

“She’s not home anyway, what’s wrong with me venting a little?” Shi Jing paused for a second, but her words remained sharp. “Still, even so, with your talent, how did you end up like this? Sometimes I wonder if someone’s deliberately holding you back.”

At this, a flicker of something unreadable passed through Shang Li’s eyes, quickly veiled by the flutter of her lashes. “I’m just a D-list actress. Who would bother holding me back?”

“Ugh, then what’s really going on?” Shi Jing scratched her head in frustration. “I clearly remember a few times when your supporting roles really stood out and gained attention, but just as they started making waves, poof! they vanished.”

Shang Li’s expression remained placid, devoid of Shi Jing’s bewilderment and regret, as if it had nothing to do with her. “Lack of follow-up exposure is normal.”

“That’s exactly why you should sign with an agency!”

“Forget it.” Shang Li shook her head with a light laugh. “Too much trouble.”

Hopeless! Shi Jing’s eyes blazed with undisguised contempt. “So you’re just going to rot at home? You were the department beauty of our year, can’t you show a little ambition?”

Shang Li chuckled. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m serious! You have no idea how many people in our class had a crush on you back then.”

Shi Jing suddenly grew animated, chattering nonstop.

“But with that face of yours, you always looked like you were destined to be alone. Who would’ve thought, tsk, that Meng Yuan would win you over in just one semester? So many people were heartbroken over it.”

Mentioning the past, Shang Li couldn’t help but drift into reminiscence. Lately, she found herself dwelling on memories more and more.

And just like that, her thoughts wandered far away.

Meng Yuan was an ambitious go-getter, a trait evident even at eighteen.

The day after confessing her feelings, Meng Yuan began pursuing her exactly as promised with boundless enthusiasm and creativity, offering her heart without reservation, never hiding her affection.

She was like a little bird, proudly displaying her beautiful feathers from every angle, occasionally bringing precious treasures and berries, presenting them with both hands, seizing every opportunity to perform a courtship dance in front of her.

Shang Li’s quiet, somber world was abruptly disrupted. At first, she found it annoying she’d wave her hands to shoo the bird away. If it refused to leave, she’d simply cover her ears, close her eyes, and ignore it.

But Meng Yuan paid no mind to her indifference, always finding a way to slip into her sight and glimpse her heart.

A crack had formed in her world, letting in the faint dawn light, accompanied by birdsong and the fragrance of flowers.

Yet, she grew anxious. What if this bird never left? What if, one day, it flew away again?

She feared developing this inexplicable habit, subconsciously dreading separation.

You refuse to plant flowers, saying, “I don’t want to watch them wither bit by bit.” Yes, to avoid the end, you avoid all beginnings.

This had always been her mindset.

So, she yelled loudly, pushed fiercely, covering herself in thorns so Meng Yuan would have no place to land.

The little bird fluttered in surprise but didn’t fly away immediately. Instead, it circled around her, hovering incessantly. When it saw her self-inflicted wounds, it would gather herbs, crush them, and gently apply them to her injuries.

While she slept, it would cautiously alight on her shoulders or the backs of her feet, retracting its sharp, hook-like claws, hiding its hard beak beneath smooth, radiant feathers.

It swept over every aspect of her life with overwhelming force, yet in utter silence.

She didn’t want to delve too deeply into all the emotions of this world, especially love.

But no one truly enjoys loneliness, they’re just afraid of disappointment.

She had been wandering alone through a desolate, barren forest until someone came along, bringing rain, dew, and sunlight. Withered trees began to take root and sprout, insects chirped and birds nested, and flowers bloomed along the path.

From then on, day and night began to cycle.

Meng Yuan brought sound, color, and vitality.

Yet, for someone who had been blind for a long time, the sudden burst of light was only glaring and painful.

Her first instinct was to shut her eyes, not to embrace it calmly.

“Meng Yuan, what is it about me that you like?”

She had asked this question more than once, each time searching Meng Yuan’s face for any trace of deception or insincerity.

Unexpectedly, her repeated probing gradually broke down her own defenses, allowing Meng Yuan to slip in and build a small nest in her heart with love and steadfastness, where she settled for a long, quiet stay.

Reason retreated, while emotion drew closer.

Like a flame in winter getting too close risked getting burned, but staying too far away couldn’t withstand the bitter cold.

In the end, instinct overcame reason.

So, on July 25, 2015, she stood on an unfamiliar street and, for the first time, took the initiative to call Meng Yuan.

It was also the first time since her parents’ divorce that she revealed her vulnerability in front of someone else.

For as long as she could remember, she had vaguely known that the family she was born into had little to do with warmth and happiness.

Daily trivialities, the smallest of matters, could instantly become the spark for their arguments. In the blink of an eye, the kitchen, living room, bedroom any space could turn into a battlefield filled with smoke and fire.

An indifferent, silent father; a hysterical, numb mother; and a perceptive, restrained child.

She had seen through the essence of love, family, and marriage far too early.

This oppressive, dysfunctional family dynamic persisted until the day her college entrance exams ended.

A home missing one-third of its members finally had a little room to breathe.

This is fine, she thought.

It wasn’t until her father and mother remarried one after the other that she suddenly realized she was the superfluous third.

“Xiao Li, Mom has to take care of the baby lately. Why don’t you spend the summer at your dad’s place.”

She had no right to refuse. Holding an unfamiliar address, she traveled to an unfamiliar city and encountered an unfamiliar family of three.

A baby babbled in the crib, a gentle mother hummed a lullaby, and a doting father had eyes only for them.

A new family portrait hung neatly in the living room, bathed in warm yellow light that lent it an affectionate glow so similar to the one at her mother’s house.

Neither included her.

In an unnoticed corner, she stumbled out, disheartened. The late July evening breeze was still hot and dry, yet it sent shivers down her spine.

Strangely, Meng Yuan’s face was the first thing that came to mind.

But the moment she pressed the call button, she regretted it as if she had accidentally opened Pandora’s box, and something terrifying was about to emerge.

Flustered, she tried to hang up, but Meng Yuan’s voice came through first.

“Sis? Oh my god, am I dreaming? This is the first time you’ve ever called me! Let me take a screenshot! Hey, sis, why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Sorry, wrong number.”

As soon as she spoke, she realized her voice was hoarse and muffled.

“What’s wrong?” Meng Yuan keenly sensed something was off, her tone immediately shifting to concern. “Sis, did something happen? What’s going on? Don’t just stay silent, tell me what happened. Sis, are you crying?”

She touched her face and realized her hand was wet with cold tears. Without uttering another word, she quickly hung up the phone, regretting why she had called her in the first place.

Her emotions were torn apart by this person, and it took a long time for them to even begin to mend.

They met two hours later, on that same unfamiliar street. Meng Yuan was wearing a sky-blue and pale-yellow cross-collar ruqun, a white jade pendant hanging at her waist. As she ran, the hem of her skirt fluttered gracefully, and the hairpins and ornaments in her hair jingled and clinked.

It was as if a supernatural phenomenon had occurred, transcending time and space, bringing her from another era right to her side.

The streetlights of the small town were veiled in a layer of gray, like viewing flowers through a fog. Meng Yuan’s face seemed illusory, as if in a dream.

“Sis, you really made me search for you,” Meng Yuan panted, her exquisite and elegant makeup glistening with sweat, every detail vividly reflected in her eyes shock and confusion mingling.

“I was worried about you,” Meng Yuan said without hesitation, her distant-mountain-like brows furrowing into peaks. “You hung up without a word. I was afraid you might do something rash, in case. I’m glad you’re okay.”

The wind hadn’t subsided, and the silk ribbons of her attire fluttered and danced, brushing against her arm again and again, sending shivers down her spine as she stood before this person.

From the capital’s Hengdian to this small cross-province county town over a thousand kilometers, an hour by plane, then switching to a bus and a taxi for another hour.

She had traveled through the night, covered in dust and exhaustion.

She felt unworthy of such deep affection, afraid of owing too much with no way to repay it. All she could do was coldly draw a clear boundary. “I’m sorry for disturbing you today. It won’t happen again. Please don’t waste your time on me anymore.”

“We can talk about that another day. First, tell me what happened to you today?” Meng Yuan took a step closer, grasping her hand. The warmth from her palm transmitted over, even hotter than the caressing wind.

She struggled desperately but couldn’t break free from Meng Yuan’s stubbornness. Like a trapped animal fighting a losing battle, she gradually lost her strength, watching helplessly as the icy fortress around her heart shattered with a loud crash.

“We’re not even related. Why did you come? They don’t care about me anymore, so why do you have to, why do you have to.?”

“Them?” Meng Yuan always managed to filter out her insincere words, picking up on the most crucial part. “Who are they? Your parents? Why don’t they, Sis?”

“Stop asking, just stop.” Unbeknownst to her, tears had already covered her entire face. The cold liquid slipped through her fingers, but in the next moment, a warmth like the morning sun enveloped her completely.

She had always believed she was strong enough, clear-headed enough, to remain indifferent to all the emotions in this world.

Yet, in that fleeting moment, she released the child from over a decade ago, the one who had crouched in the corner, clenching her fists, desperately holding back her tears.

“So, it turns out they can play the roles of a good mother and father. They know how to love a child. They just didn’t want me.”

“Sister, don’t be sad. If they don’t want you, I do.” Meng Yuan held her face, her eyes burning with a fiery intensity that seemed almost scorching.

This person seemed to have come into her life for her alone. She was destined to feel emotions only for her.

“Sister, come with me.” Meng Yuan stood up and reached out her hand. “Believe me, wherever I am, you will never be an unwanted child. Just trust me this once, okay?”

Through tear-blurred eyes, Meng Yuan’s fingertips appeared hazy and indistinct, as if veiled by a thin gauze, yet the words spoken beside her ear were firm and clear.

She simply watched quietly without responding, while Meng Yuan’s hand remained outstretched, unwavering even as it trembled.

It felt as if an eternity had passed, as though the seas had turned into fields.

The little bird that had long resided in her heart flapped its wings frantically, its sharp beak singing sweet melodies, one after another, enticing her to offer her most sincere devotion.

She gently placed her hand in Meng Yuan’s and said, “Okay.”

Almost the moment their hands touched, Meng Yuan grasped hers tightly, without holding back.

“Sister, from now on, I will be your home.” The eighteen-year-old girl, just transitioning into adulthood three parts mature, seven parts youthful spoke with undeniable conviction. “A home where you can always stay, never be driven away, and never be replaced.”

“Okay.”

“But a home can’t have only one mistress. Sister, which do you think is better you being my wife, or me being your wife?”

“Either is fine.”

“I was joking, sister, don’t feel pressure. Wait, what did you just say? I Did I hear that right? What I meant was for you to be my girlfriend.”

“Mhm.”

“Really? You agreed? You really agreed to be my girlfriend? I don’t care, I’ve already heard it, you can’t take it back! From now on, you’re my girlfriend!”

“…”

“Wahhh, am I really dreaming?. Ouch! That hurts, so I guess not. Yay, yay, yay, from now on, I have a wife too! Sister, I’m so happy! I’ll remember this day forever!”

The words still echo in her ears, but the world has changed.

Support After Letting Go, Her Regret Remains